khadra

khadra... a girl like me... same age... egyptian... big eyes... that's all the similarities between us
she is married, she has a 6 months old boy and she has cancer and me, i'm an engineer, i work, and i'm in good health.
i met her at the hospital for cancer. she was sitting with 3 other girls (2 of them has also cancer and are as young as she is). they were eating oranges, and talking and laughing.
that day, i entered to different rooms, met people, mostly old, who are treated also from cancer. some have family members with them, a daughter, a brother, a sister, grandchildren, others are alone.
i was touched by those girls cos they kept their spirit, they said that if they don't do that, they won't get anything except sorrow. they are full of life and hope..
how many times do we lack of this hope? how many times the world seems so dark, with no future? how many times we don't notice all the blessing we have: family who take care for us, friends who love us... no body lives in a perfect world and certainly life is not a nice dream, but at least we should realize what we have, be grateful and always remember that somewhere, someone has not all what we got.

the final

i had made my mind before the semi final match to not cheer the egyptian football team... it is not cos i'm not patriotic, but it's a decision i made after what i've seen.
and now, i just read an email asking all the fans in the stadium to say for 3 minutes before the start of the match "صلى الله على محمد .. صلى الله عليه وسلم" to protest for the denmark issue, and to tell everybody by forwarding email or sending sms so even people in houses and after the match repeat the same thing...
why not ask the players to wear a black mark for all the people killed in the ferry accident???
(by the way, during the match agains the congo, we were asked to stay one minute in silence cos it happened on the same day, but will people invite to do that?)
this has gone very far. first, this is sport, and in sport we have to forget any political, social, racism issues... sports carry the message of peace and love... i wish that people understand this one day. that refusing to play a player or a team cos from a certain country has nothing to do with sports (just one example).

why???

why all people talking about football, say that it's nice to see girls in the stadium cheering?
why there is no other source of joy except winning a football competition?
why do we forget the suffering and all we talk about is our national team?
why people want to boycott to prove their identity?
why we begin to care when there's a disaster, but after the storm calms down, we forget everything?
why is it easy to blame someone but difficult to recognize our own mistakes?
why is it difficult to live?
why is it difficult to love?
why is it easy to hate?
why people always look to criticize?
why can't we live in peace?
why am I asking these questions???

fear

what is fear? there is long list for all kind of phobias, but i think that even all this list, can't describe this feeling, it's more than that... in my opinion, the most frightening thing is not to know the reason of the fear.
fear can be not of physical things, like spiders or mice, it can be fear from certain people, fear from an old memory, fear of the future...
just don't ask me why i'm talking about this today. i didn't mean to write about fear as a subject. it's just that when i woke up, i had this weird feeling and my fingers just typed these few lines.

made in china!!!!!

in the stadium, i bought the sticks for cheering egypt... and it was packed in that, with the instructions written in chinese (my guess)

24

just 24 hours made me change completely my mood..
yesterday, at that time, i was in the stadium for the match between democratic republic of congo and egypt. we had to go so early cos they said they'll close the gates 3 hours before the start of the match, but i didn't care, i was happy.. and of course i was happy that we win at the end. i returned very tired but so happy.. i wanted to write about it but not anymore

today, my bro wanted to buy tickets for the next match. he went from 2pm at el ahly club in guezira, i joined him around 4pm... i can't describe how things were going.. soldiers beating crowds, crowds waiting from 11am till they start around 5pm to sell, and of course a lot of people without any order, even girls who tried to buy some tickets, including me, we couldn't, there was no place for girls to buy, a man laying in the floor almost dying..
me and my bro left around 6h30 without any ticket, and we decided we'll cheer senegal in the next match, and i decided i won't even watch the match.

repercussions

yesterday in the metro, i saw papers printed and hanged asking all muslims to boycott danes products. it doesn't matter what i believe if we should or shouldn't boycott... but what makes me angry is that this metro is the property of the public and i think this is not right to use it like that to propagate ideas... also i don't like when one girl says a small 'do3a2 el rekoub' so that everyone keeps saying it after her. sometimes i'm very tired and people just scream beside my ear. anyone is free while is not annoying anyone else. and this is a public transportation so it must be respected.

i had a sort of reverse situation, in the yahoo groups i'm subscribed to, someone forwarded an email and really there was some offensive words to christians.. and i just send one email saying plz no one forward something without reading what's in it and thinking if it will hurt anyone or not.. and i got defensive replies that what's written is not what is meant and bla bla bla..

why everything turns to violence, as if we just wait for any little thing to free the violence and hatred. do u know that in itaq, they bombed outside churches in answer for the denmark. this is just one example. i know it is not fair cos this is how is the daily life in iraq, bombs everywhere but still, the concept itself... punishing some people who has nothing to do cos of what someone did and the problem is that nobody just stops and thinks one moment.

مجنون - وسط البلد

مجنون مجنون

و جنوني باختياري

باصرخ بعلو صوتي

يا عواصم إنهاري

عواصم مفيش مفيش

مفيش جوازات سفر

حدود مفيش مفيش

سدود بين البشر

و هو ده جنوني

و هو ده جنوني

مجنون مجنون مجنون

مفيش شمال و جنوب

جنسيتك قلبك

أوم يالا حب و دوب

والدنيا هتحبك

إلغي خطوط الطول

امسح خطوط العرض

ابيض مفيش اسود مفيش

كلنا من نبت الأرض

عواصم مفيش مفيش

مفيش جوازات سفر

عواصم مفيش مفيش

سدود بين البشر

و هو ده جنوني

و هوده جنوني

مجنون مجنون مجنون

مجنون بحب البشر

مجنون بحب الناس

مجنون لإني مفقدتش الإحساس

عواصم مفيش مفيش

مفيش جوازات سفر

حدود مفيش مفيش

سدود بين البشر

و هو ده جنوني

و هو ده جنوني

مجنون مجنون

و جنوني باختياري

باصرخ بعلو صوتي

يا عواصم إنهاري

مجنون مجنون مجنون

أنا أنا أنا مجنون

مجنون مجنون

أنا أنا أنا مجنون

مجنون مجنون

no comment

i received an email inviting me to participate in a poll and instructing me what to vote exactly for all questions... without getting into the details about the subject or the answers to select, my comment is that, a poll is to get opinion of people individually, not that a certain group sending mails to show that they are the best at the end... i checked the result and, as i expected, i found that the majority is for the answers selected on the mail, but i know also that this is a fake result.

when are we going to stop to act like that, thinking that the more votes we have, even if not true, we win and we are the best!!!


i went to buy tickets for the next football match of egypt. it was crowded but people were standing in lines, there were officers to make some order.

when will i see the lines every where (metro station, tickets office... )


i attended a concert of Wust El Balad at el Gomhoreya theatre. it was the 1st time for me to enter this theatre (i wanted to attend other concerts before but couldn't cos of time). i was impressed from the place, very beautiful and impressive. i didn't imagine it like that.

if u haven't been there, u should go once.

EGYPT vs COTE D'IVOIRE

it was my 1st ever football match to attend live, but not the 1st time to enter a football stadium.
i was impressed. overall it was a nice experience though i'm not a big fan of soccer. it's totally different to assist a live match than to watch on tv. u don't feel bored at all, u hear all kind of cheers...
i was in the 3rd class cos there were no tickets available for the 2nd, but i didn't feel that there was any difference. we went earlier but already at 4pm it was so crowded to enter. the electronic gate didn't work or was too slow so they opened the normal gate, but this was en exception.

some of things i liked:
when the national antheme of cote d'ivoire was played, some people were whisteling (which i didn't like at all) the guy beside me, stood up for respect.
at some moment, some guys made bad signs with their hands for the cote d'ivoire fans who were seating under us, but other guys told them to stop it.
hearing the cheers and making the wave (i've experienced the wave thing before).
holding my big pink hand and waving.
and of course.. winning :)

some of things i didn't like:
the big screens don't show the match during the play.
they start the match without a notice.. after few seconds, i just noticed that the players are playing.

a nice surprise

i was chatting with a friend and asked me if i would like to go to volunteer and i said yes i can, then he made me to join conversation with another friend and after a while, i discovered that we were in the same school, and that i was responsable of her team (jk) in an activity at school (jtc) about 6 years ago...
wow, time passes so quickly. i still remember her and the team, they were 10 girls in 1st preparatory, i was in 3rd secondary, 1st time for me to be jk in jtc and it was a difficult team...
so after all these years, finding out what she's doing in life (now in univ) and what she turned to be, makes me so happy.
it is difficult to see directly what we do to the youngers and what effect we make in their lives, but sure everyething we do directly or indirectly affect other lives ( even writing in a blog :) ).

ordinary day

i wake up early to go to work, i just can't believe how i managed to wake up at 6am though i slept around 2am (it's too late for me).
my mom thought it would be very cold and told me to wear heavy cloth.
my friend called me just before i leave home to tell me that she might be late a little so that the bus driver waits for her. she managed to arrived on time. we talked all the way to the work (in smart village). it reminded me the old school days when i used to take the bus but the trip was longer. spending time on the bus make u do a lot of things, sleeping if needing to sleep, read, talk, even play (when i was little not now) or sing (when going on a trip). even riding the car with friends gives time to know them more.
i arrived at work and it was nice to meet people again after one week off, also it was nice cos some were travelling from work and arrived.
one hour left and i'll be leaving which is good cos i don't have something else to do today.. that's why i'm posting here :)
sometimes just the small ordinary things can make the person feel good.

old letter

i decided to arrange a little in my room, to get rid of old things i don't need... and i found this old letter, i wrote it about 6 years ago... i don't remember why i wrote it, i just remember that i've received an email from a friend that was send to me and other people, and a discussion began. i don't remember what was on the email but here is what i send as a reply. i thought to share it with u so hear it is.

Hellooo everybody

the last few days i kept receiving emails from u so i decided to say my opinion though i don't know all of u.

I won't talk about the picture or faith or God but about something that some people miss it, thinking. The person should try to think to understand even if he feels that by this way he keeps asking himself questions he can't answer them. Hiding away in life in general is not a solution, el donia mosh mozakra we as7ab we shoghl we bas.. I'm not saying that we should leave everything and just think but at least trying to ask some questions and find answers for them even if we don't find those answers is something very important for growing and understanding. we are not just people that follow orders and rhythm of life.. what life would be without philosophers and inventors? people zaman didn't believe what they were saying and didn't want to hear them so they were putting them in jails to get rid of them so no one will think and not thinking is the easiest solution but not the best one.
I must confess that i don't do this a lot of times and sometimes my dad asks me something very confusing and i don't know how to answer so i say ma3rafsh or ana mosh fadya to think about that issue but i know this is not the right solution and at least i'm trying to do it.

The other thing i wanted to say is 7oreyet el kalam. i know el kalam mosh beyenfa3 ketir cos most of the time what is done is done and mahma 2olt mafish 7aga 7atetghayar bas 3ala el a2al el wa7ed bey7ess enoh 3amal 7aga we maw2efsh saket men gheir ma ya3mel ay 7aga.. ana garabt dah we 2abl keda fi mawkef we 7asset bel reda.

ana asfa law tawelt 3alekom ketir awy fi el kalam,
bye for now

painting

my parents decided to buy tools for painting and to start painting. i'm sure that they won't do it much, but who knows.
my grandmother paints beautiful paintings. i think she inspired my parents to take this step and try for fun.
i used to draw when i was a kid, i liked drawing everything. i think i began first to color with crayola. i still remember my dad teaching me to draw a table in 3 dimensions (i was 5 years old). At school, each day or week one of the girls has the chance to go and draw a big painting with water colors like painters. one day it was my turn and i was so happy and excited about it, and i drew the famous table. i had the idea to color it green, and also the background i made it green but light green (putting more water with the color so it becomes lighter) and it was really nice but.... the teacher was angry and yelled at me cos both background and table were green, though there was a difference between the 2 colors and the table was clear. i was so so sad, cos it wasn't fair.
anyway after this period of drawing, i began to draw cartoons character (copying) and i was good at it though there is no creation in that. then i remember in the boring classes, i used to draw anything on the books (usually arabic books), small writings, small things.. etc
and now, i don't think that i take much time to draw, i don't know why. i guess getting old makes the person forget a lot of things... but i know this is not an excuse..
i think after writing this, i'll look for my colors :)

staying alone in the house, not knowing how should i feel. happy cos it is christmas? sad cos of what's going in the world? excited to see my friends? doubtful of what's next? i feel like too much things going on that at the end, i end up with nothing. very weird.
since last time i posted here, many times i wanted to write, about different things, but each time, i just kept silence.
i wanted to write about the last year, from my point of view, but it is difficult to write in few words a whole year. i had bad and good moments but i think that i'll only remember the good moments. i can't say it was my best year ever, but i know that i had great time and i'm thankful for it. the most important is to pass from one phase to another. when studying at univ or even at school, i know what i'll be doing the next year, but after this phase, it is like being lost in the middle, with too many roads to walk in. i guess that's the major thing. also starting my career and working life, and also my personal life.
i thought to talk about my hopes and wishes for the new year but i found that it is not about wishing that peace prevails or that no more disasters and people dying, or even that everything is just perfect. what i really wish for is that i don't lose what i've gained so far, friendship, love, family. maybe it sounds a little bit selfish, but i think that we can never stop the bad things from happening in the world so this time i wish for little things that i can do my best to keep.
i know that i did a lot of mistakes in my life, i wish i learn from them and don't repeat those mistakes and most important, i learnt that being honest and true is the best way even if painful.
so, now what? i think that i'll hit the publish button and that's it :)
i wish to everybody merry christmas and happy feast.

scenes that touched me the last 2 days:

1- seeing the snow in real for the !st time and stand under it for few seconds though it was really cold and the flight was delayed for 4 hours (we were in the plane on time but airport was shut down).
2- when leaving from libreville, there was 2 girls, maybe 6 & 8 years old, travelling alone. the youngest was crying when saying goodbye to her dad, so the oldest just took her hand and recomfort her it will be fine.
3- when landing in cairo at night, it was so fascinating seeing all the lights. the one sitting next to me was amazed and said it is so beautiful, and i felt at that moment that i'm proud to be egyptian no matter what.
4- meeting a friend by luck taking the same flight.
5- my bro came yesterday night to the airport though he had an exam today.
6- i lost my watch before leaving at the airport, i really loved it.

it is funny that talking for 10 min with a person makes u discover more about the place than living for two months!!!

African proverb

Lorsque tu ne sais pas où tu vas, regarde d'où tu viens.

When u don't know where u r going, look where u r coming from.

my lunch today

i went to a restaurant for lunch with some colleagues. in the menu, there was the normal food and also some strange. so as i am in a different country, i thought it is a nice opportunity to try something weird that can't be found everywhere.
i wanted to try crocodile but there wasn't so i choose the porcupine (look at the photo). i had to search for the word in english. in french porc-épic.
all i can say is that it has a different taste, probably cos of the sauce they put, speciality of the restaurant.
in the menu, there was aslo antelope, python and sanglier or in english wild boar (Obelix's favourite meal) and of course there was chicken, fish... etc
i don't think that i'll try it again but i don't regret trying it, one should have the courage to try new things (if i had the chance to jump in parachute, or bunji, i don't think i would do it though :) )

magic of xmas

i don't know but i'm just happy for no specific reason. maybe cos i'll be back soon, maybe cos 1st time xmas and new year with no exams.
it is like a contagious feeling, even if this year, i missed a lot of things, and i thought i wouldn't enjoy it that much. that's why i'm somehow surprised.
so i hope u can catch this from me, and feel as much happy as i am and enjoy life.

10 things I miss

NOTE: the following are not in any order from most to least or vice versa.
1- eating eggs in all forms (i can't cook in the room at the hotel)
2- winter, feeling cold, my winter cloth (but not rain, got plenty here).
3- receiving sms from my friends when not expecting it all (since i can't receive sms from egypt).
4- my brother (fights or no fights, i just miss him, even if i know that these days he spends most of the day out studying).
5- the metro (crowded or not crowded)
6- the bathroom (just don't ask why)
7- talking (i become more quiet than i used to be for the persons who knows me from ong time)
8- piano (at least i listen to the pieces i like to play as if i play them)
9- my small little room and climbing on my bed (we have superposed beds and i still sleep up)
10- this is one for me ;)

a discovery

Have you ever been surprised when finding something u were looking for? what different emotions of happiness, satisfaction, maybe deception u may encounter.
I made a discovery today; i didn't discover the subatoms nor the kalakakili (i don't know what it is if it exits really).
Well, i found something that was lost, not a material thing, i found a little mp3 file of a piece i used to play years ago (exactly 7-8 years). u might say, and so what? first, it is a 1st movement of a sonata of mozart which i didn't remember its number and since it hasn't a specific celebrity name like the pathetique of beethoven (which by the way i play also) so it was a difficult thing to achieve.
but this is not all, not just a mp3 file downloaded, after listening to it, it made me rediscover my old feelings, just as soon as i heard the 1st notes, i knew i found it and by sudden, i remembered all of the piece (the melody i mean). i never thought that rediscovering old pieces i used to play would bring such joy, even if those pieces reminded me of exams and hard moments but i forgot all that difficult time and all that time spend to practice and the only thing left is the melody in my head. i'm even amazed that i used to play it.
so at the end of the day, i could sleep happy (of course this isn't the only reason but one of many).

Peuple qui marchez dans la longue nuit
Le jour va bientot se lever
Peuple qui cherchez le chemin de vie
Dieu lui-meme vient vous sauver

Il est temps de lever les yeux
vers le monde qui vient
il est temps de jeter la fleur
qui se fane en vos mains

when everything is so..

i hesitated to write or not, but decided at the end to let the words come out without restriction. for those who knows me personally, i think they might be shocked a little, cos they know or at least i think that they know that i'm an optimistic person.
but sometimes it is hard to be that all the time, when it comes doing it for people not for myself.
i think that things are not that clear into my head, but i recognize that i'm not that good, at least not as much as i believed.

Giving

I'm reading the 1st book of Lord of the Rings (still in the 1st 100 pages). I'm not going to talk about the story itself. if u had the chance to read the book, not just watch the movie, u could feel that u r living in Hobbitebourg, with all the tiny details.
the Hobbits have a nice habit, which i really liked. to celebrate their birthdays, they offer gifts instead of receiving gifts.
I think feeling the joy of giving is much more then receiving, but unfortunatly, we live in a world where people prefer to receive instead of to give. if really people give, especially for those who need they most, there wouldn't be all that suffering and misery.

there is something i have noticed lately, i don't know if it is true or not but just a feeling i have. in the office where i work, there are people from different coutries. the general thing i noticed is that arab and africans and also east europenean feel that sometimes they are discriminated by europeans. i know it is not fair to say that all europeans are like that, cos we can't judge a whole neighbourhood by the act of few people we encounter. it is just that i wonder why some people feel they are discriminated, why this is a general feeling even if it is not true, but the trend is to believe that and to relate everything that happens to this issue.
i don't know if u follow me a little.

I look to the page in front of me, trying to think what to write... but i fail. like there is nothing to say. i keep on writing then i press the delete key. if u think i'm depressed or something, not at all.

African proverb

Quand un arbre tombe, on l'entend;

quand la forêt pousse, pas un bruit.

When a tree falls down, we hear it;

when a forest grows, not a sound.

i received it today in my mail and thought to share it with u.

what do u think? waiting for ur comments.

I think that we always here about the bad things, but the good things, they are done in slience.

impressions

tIt has been a week since i arrived here, in Libreville.
I can’t say I really explored the country, I just go from work to hotel and from hotel to work, except on the week end, I went for a long walk, more than hour and when I go to eat with my colleagues or go to the supermarket.
The strange thing that I didn’t expect at all is that it is more expensive than in Egypt, like Europe or even more, almost everything is imported.
When going out of the supermarket, there is guy to mark the receipt u had paid, I don’t know what is the reason, but I noticed it in 2 supermarkets.
I ate fried bananas, they are really cool, it reminds me the ‘batata’.
People here take lunch break, they go out of offices, so during that, u can see a lot of cars in the streets (but still not that much compared to cairo).
Yesterday night, it was raining a lot, with thunder and lightening, and yet this morning, everything is calm, the sea is really peaceful.
I can see the sea from my room, it is a beautiful scene, it reminds me whenever I look that I’m miles away from home, like a small paradise.

trip

Scene 1: Tuesday 25, 8am
just arrived at work as everyday. Enjoying last day before travelling, everything is normal. Later on , my mom sends me email saying she’ll go and get the ticket from the office.

Scene 2: around 1h45pm.
My mom calls me from the office saying I can’t travel tomorrow. My initial travel plan was Cairo – Milan – Paris – Libreville and the problem is that I don’t have Shengen visa so I cant go from Milan to Paris cos it is considered domestic flight. And they told my mom that after they issued the ticket (the reservation was done from france) so she couldn’t even return it. To cancel it; I must send the ticket to france. What to do? How will I travel? To many questions with no specific answer. All that and I leave work at 2h30pm. I try to contact people saying the problem.

Scene 3: around 6h30pm
I am told that the solution is to fly to Paris then to Libreville so no need of visa and that the flight is at 1am. I just have few hours to pack everything. At the end, I’ll take the same flight as before from Paris to Libreville, so this means that I’ll have like 17 hours transit.

Scene 4: 10h30pm
I arrive at the airport, my brother is already there, he was studying with his friends and came to say goodbye. I check in, everything is ok. My aunt, uncle and cousin came to say goodbye too.

Scene 5: Wednesday 26, 6am
I arrive at Paris. I change terminals. I have a lot of time so I take my time. I finally arrive to the place where I’m going to spend my day. As I don’t have visa, I can’t go to other place. I feel like Tom Hanks in his movie the Terminal. I check the place, there are seats, 3 shops but still everything is closed. There are people everywhere. I choose a place to sit, and decided to write a little about everything. At 8am, finally shops open. There is one with souvenirs and books, one for perfumes and drinks and a café to have things to eat. I look at the souvenir shop, to see what I can get on my way back to home and have a look around the books. I went to that shop 3 times, I bought some books to pass my time. In the middle of the day, the place was almost empty, no more flights till night. I slept a little, read a little. I have bought a book of Sudeku. It is a game, u have nine squares, each square has 9 spaces, u have to put numbers inside those spaces in a certain way and there is only one solution. Apparently this game is famous in France, it is originally from Japan.
Every now and then we hear announcements, that passenger shall keep their bags with them all the time and that the police will take anything left aside, by the way I didn’t see any policeman, maybe they were undercover…
There was a box aside the wall with donations for the UNICEF. U can see money inside it and for my surprise, I noticed a 1LE and 50pts. I was happy to see that, I felt that it doesn’t matter from where u r, the important is to share and care and that Egyptians care.
Times passes slowly, but finally the time to go on plane arrived.

Scene 6: Thursday 27, 5am
At last, I arrived at Libreville. It took more than hour to finish everything and get the bags. Procedure are really slow round here. I began to think that back in Egypt, it is very good service.

coming soon

my trip from Cairo to Libreville (left cairo tuesday 25 at 00:55 arrived at libreville thursday 27 at 4:55).

i'm leaving tomorrow.i'm going to the Gabon for work. i don't know yet when i'll return exactly. i'll try to post every now and then about this experience.
just one funny thing to say. Gabon is situated in south west africa, on the equator. to go there, i have to go to france and to go to france i'll pass by italy. it is just transit but still, i have to go round to arrive to my destination. and this is like life, sometimes we have to pass by stages away from the final destination but there is no other way to shortcut.
i don't know why i always try to say something philosophic, maybe just a habit :)
yalla... post u later (= c u later)

condoléances

yesterday one of my teachers at school, Mme Nelly, has passed away. She was my french teacher 10 years ago. i still remember her, french was one of my best subjects. i don't have much to say except praying for her and her family.

adieu

i'm leaving tomorrow or after tomorrow

going to the unknown

having maybe some sorrow

leaving my heart at home

fear lying deep inside

not having you by my side

excited by the adventure

trapped in the center

what tomorrow will bring?

what melodies will life sing?

so come and sing with me

life is great, life is free

Ramadaneyat

• 1st day of ramadan, no traffic officers early morning
• finish work early
• trip to home takes more time then on regular days
• people want to go to home as early as possible
• people don't want to work, it's a general feeling.
• tv shows one series after another, all u have to do is to change the channel from 1 to 2 and from 2 to 1 (i only watch 1 or 2 or not at all)
• children playing in the street (they do in summer and in ramadan)
• people sleep very very late
• children playing with "bomb" (not bomb as the word in english, it is an arabic word for the little small thing they throw in the street and makes a small boum)
• concerts everywhere (i go to at least one event per week)
• too much food from all kind
• lamps or "fawanis" ramadan everywhere (small or huge, poor or rich, u find it everywhere)
• before start of ramadan, people go shop for much food as if there would be a famine
• the only time i see a lot of people reading in the transportations which is not common on normal days

Lyrics: The Reason by Hoobastank

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear

I've found a resaon for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

i have too much feelings i can't describe, maybe cos i can't determine exactly how i feel.
i'm going to travel very soon, for 3 months, to the Gabon for work. i can't say i'm excited that finally i'll work and i got my first mission or i'm sad cos i've to bear the consequences knowing what i may lose or what is lost already... it's like being caught in the middle of a storm, not knowing when it will end or where i'll be standing when everything calms down.

Smiles

usually i have something to read in the bus of the work and since it is now ramadan, the way back takes more time. yesterday, i forgot to take the book i'm currently reading so all i had to do is to watch from the window or to sleep a little. while watching, it came to my mind this topic, smiles.. i noticed that all the people in the street, especially the drivers (whatever they drive car, microbuis, taxi.. ) are not smiling and seem lost. i don't know is it cos of ramadan and fasting or it is the normal. i began to think, why we don't smile all the time? it is such a nice thing to see, the pure smile. maybe cos of life, nothing to smile about. or if someone is alone so he is taken into thoughts which are probably more concerns about life or cos we got used to that face, of no expressions.
let us fight to get back smiles into our life :)

survey

Hello
i would be very grateful if u go to this link http://endehash.manalaa.net/italian_survey and answer this survey. it is easy, just multiple choices, thanks to M.Y.
waiting for ur contribution.

sad end of september, nice beginning of october

yesterday, the hard disk decided to die... everything is gone. i was upset for a while, all my photos, things i've wrote, downloaded.. nothing is left.
but now, i see it more as a new beginning, like i had to let go the past and begin a new life, so i'm looking forward for this new start, just forget the past and think of the future.

crazy

when two crazy people meet, the only thing expected is that the conscience is having a rest and the only thing left there is a dream... after that crazy moment, no one knows was it real or not, there is no proof except what is in the mind which is already crazy trying to figure out the reality from the dream, maybe it was too good to be true or too unexpected to believe.. at the end of the day, the sun has gone, the moon is high in the sky, people go to sleep, or watch tv, maybe going out, the life keeps going but the crazy is more crazy, trying to hold on that crazy moment too much that it is becoming now the reality...
i guess i'm turning crazy myself, and it is only the beginning of the day!! maybe the effect of the last day of work before the weekend ;)

Jean de La Fontaine

I attended tonight a spectacle of modern dance of 3 of the compositions of La Fontaine. he is a french poet who wrote many poems of animals. the show was great, it was original, simple but expressive, a nice experience.
here is the text of one of the 3 played tonight in french then translated in english.
this is a link for all texts (french and most of them translated in english) http://www.jdlf.com/lesfables

Le Corbeau et le Renard

Maître Corbeau, sur un arbre perché,
Tenait en son bec un fromage.
Maître Renard, par l'odeur alléché,
Lui tint à peu près ce langage :
"Hé ! bonjour, Monsieur du Corbeau.
Que vous êtes joli ! que vous me semblez beau !
Sans mentir, si votre ramage
Se rapporte à votre plumage,
Vous êtes le Phénix des hôtes de ces bois."
A ces mots le Corbeau ne se sent pas de joie ;
Et pour montrer sa belle voix,
Il ouvre un large bec, laisse tomber sa proie.
Le Renard s'en saisit, et dit : "Mon bon Monsieur,
Apprenez que tout flatteur
Vit aux dépens de celui qui l'écoute :
Cette leçon vaut bien un fromage, sans doute. "
Le Corbeau, honteux et confus,
Jura, mais un peu tard, qu'on ne l'y prendrait plus.

The Crow and the Fox

Master Crow perched on a tree,
Was holding a cheese in his beak.
Master Fox attracted by the smell
Said something like this:
"Well, Hello Mister Crow!
How beautiful you are! how nice you seem to me!
Really, if your voice
Is like your plumage,
You are the phoenix of all the inhabitants of these woods."
At these words, the Crow is overjoyed.
And in order to show off his beautiful voice,
He opens his beak wide, lets his prey fall
The Fox grabs it, and says: "My good man,
Learn that every flatterer
Lives at the expense of the one who listens to him.
This lesson, whitout doubt, is well worth a cheese."
The Crow, ashamed and embarrassed,
Swore, but a little late, that he would not be taken again.

news

i didn't know that the US is learning from Egypt, arresting protestors cos they protested without an authorisation in front of the white house against the war in Iraq... we should be very proud!!http://edition.cnn.com/2005/POLITICS/09/26/wardemonstrations.ap/index.html

Ce qu’on ne peut pas dire, il ne faut surtout pas le taire, mais l’écrire.
[ Jacques Derrida ]

What we can't say, it must not be kept in silence but be written.
(my translation).

Report 5 (14/08/05)

We went to Bonn by train in the morning. it is a nice city but it was raining. it is not that big, but it has beautiful scenes on the Rhine. also there's the house where the famous Beethoven was born. it is a museum now, we had visited it. without talking much about history (i know my friends heard this million of times). i love his music, he is one of my favourite composers from a long time. i think first pieces i played for him was bagatelle and fur elise. now i play sonata pathetique which is extraordinary, it takes u from one place to another and i begin to play moonlight sonata (i bought it from the museum, 1st piece to buy by myself). i guess i'll post someday about beethoven. i discovered that he was not that rich, he was in debt, he owned one of the 1st if not the 1st bond in i don't remember what in zwitzerland.. etc.
after this we went for a walk. we entered the cathedrale, there's an coptic icon, gift grom egypt. we had a walk in a street with very old houses (starting from the 1400's). it was unbelievable, we couldn't believe they were that old, they were as bright as new.
we met in the street an old man, who stopped us and whe he found that we were from egypt, he kept talking and talking, in german. we had with us egyptian friends living in Bonn so they talked with him and the rest of us, just waiting till end of discussion.. and suddenly, he began to sing. i don't remember why he sang, but it was so funny. we had a nice lunch (than God it had stopped raining during it, just after finishing it ran again).
at the end, we took the train, we went to Liverkusen to attend a celebration mass for all volunteers. it was too crowded, imagine big stadium, the BayArena, almost packed with volunteers in red (about 27000 people). we made the mexican wave (1st time with me). it was cool. in overall i was excited to be there and had a great time.
after that, it was a disaster. imagine all that number going to the train station. we finally get in a train to go back to Cologne, but we were like in a sardine can (as the proverb says), even worst than the transport bus in egypt (not the CTA). i don't remember i was in that situation in the metro in egypt. anyway we arrived with no damage, except that my ID holder was torn, for the 1st time (it became a habit after that.. lol).

i forgot to say, Beethoven died in the same day as i was born (of course not in the same year).. i know my friends will kill me cos i have been repeating this. forgive me, i couldn't not tell.

one last thing: would u like me to continue posting these reports? or do u think it's an old story? or writing with a very slow rate and i just have to write the rest all together?

answer: Jean Philippe Lauer

i was hopping that anyone could anwer that.

in my opinion, Lauer is the gardian angel of Sakkara. In 1926, he came to Egypt after obtaining the diplome of architecture. he lived in a small house near Sakkara. what is different about him? many egyptologues or archeologues came to egypt. well, not at all, nobody was like him. for about 70 years he reconstructed the old fence surrouding the Sakkara complex. He rebuild the colonnades and the funerary temple, stone by stone. can u imagine how it was before that, what a great job he did!! he discovered socle of a statue of Djeser (Zoser) with inscription of Imhotep as the architect of this place and great priest. Imhotep is the oldest known architect known in history, he is behind the Sakkara complx, 2800 years BC.
He gave life to Sakkara, and spend most of his life living there. his dream was to build a museum there.
He died in the 15th May 2001, at the age of 99, but he'll live forever in the heart of the city.

P.S: this is a brief overview about him, he wrote many books, he achieved great work. if u ever go there, just have a look at the place and think about him. i guess u'll discover more and more about him if searching on the net.

this is an interview i found on the interent but in french in 1999
http://perso.wanadoo.fr/jean-marc.mercier/lauer.htm

colonnade at sakkara complex, reconstructed by Lauer

question

Hello, i'll ask a question, u just comment yes or no.
Do you know who is Jean Philippe Lauer or did u hear about him before?
if yes, plz don't say who he is. if no, i'll write about him so don't worry.
this is not a survey, i just wonder how many people know him.
thanks.

when the desire revolts

2 days ago i attended a great play (theatre). it was a monologue, just one guy talking. it was really cool and he was brilliant. without getting into details cos i won't be given him enough credit, i'll take just one idea among all subjects touched.
the guy was impersonating 3 characters inside the subconsience: the desirs, the mind and the dreams. the desirs want to go out, to get free, but the mind stops them and doesn't give them any freedom and eventually kills them. the desirs have only one chance, which are the dreams that can take them from one place to the other side, through the thick walls of the mind.
i was really impressed by this, and now i'm thinking about my life. currently, i have desirs that want to go out and be achieved but a lot of things just block them and destroy them like when a cup of glass is broken into million of pieces, after having a crack. i feel this crack and i want by any way fix it or at least stop it from expanding.. these days i don't dream that much, i guess i am too tired and have to get up early for work so i just don't dream or maybe i dream but i don't remember what i dream of the following day.. so i need that thing to pass through these walls, to not suffer cos of the desirs i have even though most of the time we have to suffer till we arrive to what we want.. why everything is that difficult? why life is that difficult? why can't we just live as we want to live? why we have to think about every single detail that might happen just in case. i'm tired of all that and i wish that this time, it's my desir who breaks the wall of the mind and of all the obstacles that the world put in its way. that's my desir.

Report 4 (13/08/05)

i'm not supertituous but, really that day was a boooooooring day. be patient and u'll know the reason.
i think our team was finally complete. we met in the morning, we went to the information center near the Dom to meet other teams and the "great" Thomas. our team leader, Markus, didn't know what we'll do except that we have an important task which is saving the water tower. anyway we walked till we arrived to a building, we went upstairs, maybe 5 ot 6 or even the 7th floor, i only remember too much stairs. we were maybe about 40 people. it was supposed to be our training for the job. so, what's the big deal? it should be peace of cake and having fun. well, not exactly, thomas was trying to be nice, playing a stupid game at the beginning then in the middle, playing a more stupid game. it was boring. for example, telling us open the book on page 42, rad the 1st sentence in the 2nd paragraph. after we read it, he then talks about a totally different thing. he showed us the hierarchy of the system, the secretary general, the i don't know what, the group leader.. etc. or for example tell us a place and we have to look for it in the map. it was a real torture. the most important was when talking about our task. by the way, this wasn't in the plan, our team leader had a phone call telling him we have this to do. well, our job was to guard the water towers. i guess u r wondering now, what r those water towers, it sounds like we r in warcraft. not at all. those water towers r for people to drink water, very simple, right? instead of giving million of bottles for everybody participating in the WYD which will lead to an ecological disaster, they drink from those water towers. so the question is guarding from what? well, there r 2 kind of problems, small problems and big problems. and in different situations, at the end we have to call thomas to report to him. one funny thing, he said that he knows that the international phone calls from mobile costs so all we have to do is to ring then he answers make sure who is the person then hang out and he'll call, so it doesn't cost. but he have to answer first, not cancel the call!! after all that boring training, we had a rest to go and have lunch. we planned to go to the food center near the place then to take a touristic tour in the Dom then be back... but it was the 13th, not any day. after we arrived to the place (we were lost first), we discovered a lot of volunteers there, maybe all of them, and there was a very long queue. we waited and waited.. and when almost there, the food was finished, so we had to wait till they bring more. it took about maybe 2 hours to get the food. but we were not that upset cos we won't go back to thomas soon, we were just hungry. but due to this, we didn't have dinner, we had to choose either lunch or dinner. and an extra person came to share food with us. but he was a nice guy from Brazil, i don't remember his name. there was a church just near the place where we were, and there was a marriage. try to imagine the bride and the groom arriving and discovering hundreds or maybe thousand of volunteers around the church. after they finished the celebration inside the church and came out, we all cheered them. i can't imagine myelf in such a situation. i met there the sister of my friend at univ, i was happy about it though i didn't meet my friend. well, we had to go back to the training after that, to make the schedule of the shifts. we had to choose on 2 days 2 shifts of 9 hours!! and everyone alone but can see the others who have the shift at the same time. poor boys, they had to take the night shifts. after this, we went to the Dom to take a drink in a cafe there, then we went to eat our 1st Brutwurst in Koln. i don't remember what we have done, we just had walk in the streets there.

I need your help

Hi all, i need your help. One of my friends in Italy is making a research for the universiy of Venise that could lead to a project but she needs data to have something to start with.
so if you can answer those questions here on the blog or send me email to marianneayad@gmail.com i would be grateful.

if it is possible, advertise this on your blogs, forward emails about this survey and publish it everywhere. i know that the blog is really powerful and can reach a lot of people so i'm counting on you.

1) what type of books do you prefer to read? what subjects?

2) what type of books would you like to read but you can't find in libraries or in bookshops in egypt or in arab countries?

3) what aspects of the italian life are you interested to know or discover through litearture or books: everyday's life, travel and trips, philosophy, science, art, politics, biographies?

4) are you interested by books about the "italian point of vue" on the current problems in the world (international politics, globalisation, pauverty, ethics.. ). please specify

you can write about what you think, not just answering yes or no or "3ala 2ad el sou2al". it will help more if you talk and say your opinion.
this project is to translate italian books to arabic but they need to know what the regular readers would like to read or are interested into. this project aims to let the arab world and egypt, discover what the italians really think, about their life.. etc

Thanks a lot for your cooperation

my life

well, a lot has happened to me in the last month. i'm now working or preparing to be radio network engineer. I'm working with a french company subcontractor, so currently i'm working with Alcatel Egypt. so i spend my days in Smart Village (it's outside Cairo, before the gates of the road to Alex). it's nice but i have to wake up early to catch the bus and i return tired, and most of the days, i go out after work to meet friends or attend a concert or.. so i end up, looking for my bed to sleeeeep.. lol
yesterday i went to concert of Wust el Balad at el Sakkia with my bro. i have told friends to come but couldn't come. but really i enjoyed it. i really appreciate the time with my bro cos we have a lot of fun together, we laughed a lot and the band is really great.
few days ago, i went to Opera Aida with a friend. i didn't know that it will take that long, we finishied at around 1am. but i really had a good time, it's very impressive, it was 1st time to hear it complete and i enjoyed it very much with my friend. so thanks for coming with me.
one of my best friends is leaving on saturday to study masters in France. till now, i didn't realize it, i mean not thinking that she'll be away for 2 years. we are friends since school for 18 years now and she was there when i needed her the most.
and finally, i'm currently very happy in my life, though sometimes i wonder, what if things don't work out but i have faith that everything wil be just fine, it's just that sometimes, we need to work a little harder to get what we want but i know and i'm certain that we'll get it at the end.. i know maybe it sounds strange, talking with symbols.. but don't worry, everything will be clear at the right moment.

Report 3 (12/08/05)

we started the day but having breakfast for the 1st time. all i can say is that the yogurt is so great and also the "bolbief".
after that we met our team leader and also one with us in the group, a polish lady who is 52 years old and came to germany riding a bicycle from poland (about 1000km). well she didn't continue with us after that cos she went in another team to work on the bicycle.
anyway, our team leader said, our first task will be at the RheinEnrgie Stadion, that we'll go and know what we'll do. so we went there, we waited to do anything.. the boys just moved 2 chairs and a table, i don't know exactly, i was sitting in the stadium, with the polis lady, talking about life in our countries.. and it was raining.
after that, we decided me and my friend Mina, as we didn't have anything else to do, to go to the train station and meet our friends, Milad and Mina there. we met them, and took them to the registration center. well it wasn't as easy as the previous day when i registered, there were too many volunteers to register, long queues, we took about 2 hours just to get it for registration!! we met also another group of egypitan volunteers, i knew most of them.
after the registration we took them to our accomodation. i became expert in the metro after one day.
after that we went for touring. we visited the Dom (the cathedral). then we decided to study in the guide to see what events to attend when we have free time. but we didn't study a lot, we heard some music, went to check it. some people playing music, other artists drawing with chalks on the ground in front of the Dom. we went after that for a walk in the streets, on the Rhein, it was superb and it didn't rain. we returned to a meeting with the team, more members arrived, 2 germans and 1 from the philippines. after the meeting, we went to the train station to meet our last friend to arrive, Tony. we didn't know on which train he is coming, or what time exactly, just coming from Dusseldorf. i went to ask at the information desk while the others went to check the inofrmation boards. after waiting in the queue, for a time, i arrived to the guy sitting there, he couldn't speak or undesrtand english, only german. i tried to explain to him, saying train, arrive, dusseldorf airport. he wrote me a time on a small piece of paper. well we checked all possible train that pass by dusseldorf. and waiting on the platform, and every train that comes we look if he arrived or not (i didn't meet him before, just contact by email before travelling). and finally after few trains and about half an hour he arrived, at the time that the information guy told me about (he understood me) and we returned all at the accomodation to sleep :)

Quiz

on demand of free soul.
so here it is finally. sorry, i was busy, just started work. i'm taking a small break from reading documents... lol

10 years ago:
I was at school of course, i had a little group of friends and i am proud that they are still my friends though years after that i was away from them.
i was and sill dreaming of a better world. i was listening to music a lot. i began to write about my daily life (like diary). i used to read a lot, not like now :(. i started to have pen friends, writting letters...

5 years ago:
starting unversity. maybe i was excited first but i didn't like my 1st year at univ though i got my best result, cos i stopped my activities cos of the study but thank God, the following years i returned back to my activity life.

1 year ago:
I began to really be close to my univ friends, b4 that, they were my friends but i didn't consider them more than that. i also had a short happy time in my life, followed by a sad time but this is all behind me and i started a new life.

Tomorrow:
tomorrow exactly i'll be at work, reading documents.
tomorow the future, i'll be somewhere on earth, but the most important is to be with the person i love... so waiting for tomorrow ;)

5 snacks I enjoy:
excuse me but some r iraquis so don't worry if u don't know
beryany, ma7shy bassal, spaghetti, any meat, molokheya.

5 bands/artists that I know the lyrics to most of their songs:
the beatles (but they have too many songs), boyzone, celine dion (but not the latest).

5 things I'd do with $100,000,000:
have a trip around the world, buy some books, give to the people in need

5 locations I'd like to run away to:
my room, cologne, the nile, sinai on the mountain, the oasis, the beach

5 bad habits I have:
i interrupt people, i talk fast, i stick with my opinion, (the rest i'll keep it to myself)

5 things I like doing:
play piano, reading, watching movies, watching tennis, go on walk with friends or alone

5 TV shows I like:
the pretender, tru calling, alias, roswell,

5 movies I like:
sound of music, you only live twice, the little mermaid, amelie...

5 people I'd like to meet:
einstein, beethoven, my grandfather...

5 biggest joys at the moment:
thiking of you, eating ice cream, talk with someone, sleeeeep, listen to The Magic Flute

5 favorite toys:
lego, computer, scrabble, clue, risk

I'm tagging:
everybody, come on and do it

Report 2 (11/08/05)

i left egypt at 4am. i didn't sleep except one hour. i slept a little in the plane but that's all. before leaving, when i was saying goodby to my family, my mom was very touched i was going away for that long (i think it is the longest time so far to travel) so she was about to cry but thank god.
when flying in the sky, it was really incredile to watch the sky early in the morning, with all the clouds over there, making great piece of art.
the 1st situation i faced, was in my 2 hours transit in Milan (i travelled Cairo - Milan -Dusseldorf). I went to the WC, and... i was trapped inside. i was knocking in the door, an italian woman talked ot me but apparently she didn't understand or she left. I knocked again, and finally i heard a french girl asking in french of course: "is there anyone inside?". i was happy cos finally someone i can talk to and explain the situation. i told her i'm trapped, they tried to open but couldn't, she went to get some help and finally they opened the door. i could hear the french (they were about 5) saying poor girl!! it is funny now but back then, not at all.
arrived at Germany, i took the train. 1st an old couple helped me, told me from where to stamp the ticket. other people helped me with my bags and to find my way to the place for registration. after doing the registration, which was not easy cos there was a little problem in my ID, someone had registered for me, even there we can face those problems.. lol. anyway after the registration, i had 2 extra bags, one or me and one for a friend i did the registration for him. so u can imagine, me alone carrying all that in an unknown city, knowing only ya or no in german. well i didn't go straight to my accomodation, a school somewhere. i asked to have lunch, i shared it with people from spain, poland. they were really nice people. after that i took my courage and strenght, and went on the street to go to the accomodation, knowing only the metro station i have to go to, but how, still to discover. a german saw me with all that, offered me help, he was a volunteer police officer. he was going in the same direction, so helped me carrying the bags and explained to me how to use the metro (it is more complicated than in egypt). i don't know if he wasn't there what i could have done. arrived at the station, it took me a while before finding the school but finally i arrived there. well also there was a little problem, my name wasn't in the list, but it was ok. i went up to the gym, and i was chocked, no matrices. i have to sleep in my sleeping bag on the floor (i thought there would be matrices, lik when i go camping in my school). anyway, it was the reality, i was too tired, no other option. i didn't do something special that day, i called my team leader and told me to meet the following day. my friend whom i made registration arrived at night. the rest of them arrived in the following day.

Report 1

Introduction
i will try to tell everything i remember about my trip. little small things, and also the big things.
i went as volunteer in the World Youth Day, in Cologne (Germany) for 2 weeks then one week in Italy.
it was a wondeful vacaction, i enjoyed it very much and i had a lot of fun and a big experience.
i will tell u a little today about my general feelings about those 2 countries which r different.
in Germany in general, u feel that everything is in order. u have the timing of all trains and all metros, u can know everything u want. people r very sportive, they use a lot bikes, u can see a family going in a tour on bikes. people respect the traffic signs.
in Rome, u feel like walking in an open museum. each building has a history, is a piece of art. but it is more like in egypt, people selling in streets, people cross the road as they like (not all of them but a lot). i was lucky i went in a season where people r in vacation so it wasn't that crowded.

in the WYD, there were a lot of young and even old people from everywhere in the world. it was amazing to meet people, talk to them although u know that u probably won't meet them.
we had our egyptian flag with us, people were amazed when they knew we r from egypt, and came asking for photos and autographs. i was proud when holding the flag or when walking beside it. it is a great feeling.
well, one of the funniest thing about the flag is that an italian came and ask a friend with the flag: 'r u from nepal?".. lol
also about the flag, here is another story. we were in the team: 5 egyptians, 1 philippinos, the rest germans. when we walk or we want to have a special sign, we were all following the egyptian flag!!!
about italians, we (me and my friends) called them "heksous". they were too many italians, everywhere italians. u know them right away, they sing, and talk in loud voice, they invade everything. we even thought that there r no young people in italy, cos they r all in Cologne.
i was really thinking before going to italy that i will go to the heksous. but it all went well. even in rome, i saw people with the WYD bag. everybody participated got a blue bag. so when u see it u know this person was there. it is like we all share one thing together and i felt nice. one day i was taking train from rome to ciampino where i stay (just 15 min away). there was 4 italians with the blue bags and also big bags. when i was getting of the train, they saw my bag and asked me if i was there so i told them.

end or report 1

Back

Hello dear friends

I am back to Egypt. i am back home. i have a lot of stories to tell, i will post later on. just wanted to say hi to all.

probably this will be my last post till next month (less than 24 hours and i'll be away from home).
i would rather write about something happy or optimistic, but i couldn't just let this pass.
today, while reading the newspaper, few lines took my attention. it was about a kuweity tennis player, that was suspended for 2 years i think by his country and punished cos he played against an israily in a tournament.
i was angry of that, isn't sport against politics, against discrimination?
this way of thinking, makes people feel more haterad towards others.
i'm too tired to write more about that, but i guess u understand what i want to say.
anyway i hope that i'll have more stories at my return, have a nice end of summer.

translation of the song

before translating, i just would like to mention that i won't translate word by word, but i'll try to say the most close to the lyrics. excuse me if i can't express very good in english cos it's descriptions and expressions so i'll add sometimes in arabic to make it more understandable (i tried also to use a translator on the internet)

The very last button of my shirt has been put (zarart akher zorar fi el 2amis)
Above the galons of course there are no folds (mafish ay tany)
The last gesture, last glance in front of the mirror.
I check that all is impeccable that there are no traces.
I turn, certain, take my kepi in the hands (baltaf wana watheq men nafsy, we bakhod el badla el 3askareya ma3aya)
I buckled my belt and I leave the bathroom
My wife, beautiful, is lying there in the bed
I cross the room and I try not to make any noise
My son quietly waits for me behind the door
I take him in my arms to my shoulders, and carry him
And then my daughter comes and smiles to me
It is till very early, i kiss them and take them back to bed.
I has just left discreetly the house
Today it is hot, i feel the sun hitting hard
It is of season already the sergeant kent is waiting for me
Near the jeep, I must leave now

refrain:
I am sure i'm a good guy
a real puritan, an American patriot
the state made me a man, not a puppet
i was only taught to make the good

Direction the barracks, overpowered by heat
And my face is dull, I feel that my hands tremble of fear
I think of all that, about this situation
about all that i don't understand, my conscience has some questions,
He, i finished thinking
a true lieutenant of the army does not have the right to be mislaid
I has just arrived, run to report myself full of sweat
I say a correct guard-to you in front of the rise of the colors
I say goodmorning to the pals, some valves, we provoque
Salutations, as it should be with the other ranked pilots.
We are gathered around around the generals
The orders are precise and the secrecy is at the top level
A few hours after we sign the end of the meeting
And now, I really know what is my order of mission
I was told about my homeland, my pride, my country
Of a good achieved duty, and this plane takes off

refrain

And for the moment on this aircraft, everything goes well
There is no tention, our objective is still far
Each one is in his place, ready in his post
Even the engineers don't think that there will be complaints
the very last adjustments, last checks
Above the clouds, even the Hell does not have a house
Everyone is concentrated and silence is maintained
And to the top of me, the red indicator comes to ignite
Little panic in the air, of electricity
the glances cross a few seconds (el nazarat takabalet)
the objective is very close and the fear invades me
deep inside me i know what will happen here
I think of my wife, with my family in this cabin
And I re-examine like this morning the smile of my daughter
the green light, I press on the button, here it is
I have just thrown a bomb on Hiroshima

I am sure i'm a good guy
a real puritan, a European patriot
the state made me a man, not a puppet
but in Chetchnia we do nothing.

Un type bien - Manau

this is a french song by manau, few years ago. i'll translate it later to english.
it talks about a soldier, when he wakes up and get prepared to go to the mission.... till he accomplishes it, dropping the bomb on hiroshima.
the song is not against the soldier or with the soldier, but it explores a different face of the soldier.
i know that many of us sometimes wonder, why soldiers go to war? don't they know that what they are doing is wrong? i'm not defending them, i just want to look with a different perspective and try to really understand the others (we should always do that in life).

Le tout dernier bouton de ma chemise vient d'être mis
Par dessus les galons, bien sûr, il n'y a pas de plis
Dernier geste, dernier regard devant la glace
Je vérifie que tout est impeccable qu'il n'y a pas de traces
Je me retourne, sûr, prends mon képi dans les mains
J'ai bouclé ma ceinture et je sors de la salle de bain
Ma femme est là, belle, allongée sur le lit
Je traverse la chambre et je fais tout pour ne pas faire de bruit
Mon gamin m'attend tranquillement derrière la porte
Je le prends dans mes bras jusqu'à mes épaules, je le porte
Et puis ma fille arrive et me sourit
Il est encore très tôt, je les embrasse, les raccompagne au lit
Je viens de sortir discrètement de la maison
Aujourd'hui il fait chaud, je sens vraiment que le soleil tape à fond
C'est d'saison déjà le sergent Kent m'attend
Tous près de la jeep, je dois partir maintenant

Refrain:
Je suis sûr d'être un type bien
Un véritable puritain, un patriote américain
L'Etat a fait de moi un homme, pas un pantin
On m'a seulement appris à faire le bien

Direction la caserne, accablé par la chaleur
Et mon visage est terne, je sens que mes mains tremblent de peur
Je pense à tout ça, à cette situation
A tout ce que je ne comprends pas, ma conscience a quelques questions
Hé, fini de penser de réfléchir, de cogiter
Un vrai lieutenant de l'armée n'a pas le droit de s'égarer
Je viens d'arriver, cours au rapport plein de sueur
Je pète un garde-à-vous correct devant la montée des couleurs
Je dis bonjours aux potes, quelques vannes, on se provoque
Salutations, comme il se doit aux grades des autres pilotes
On est réuni autour de généraux
Les ordres sont précis et le secret est au top niveau
Quelques heures après on signe la fin de la réunion
Et maintenant, je sais vraiment quel est mon ordre de mission
On m'a parlé d'patrie, de fierté, de mon sol
D'un bon devoir accompli, et cet avion décolle

au Refrain

Et dans cet avion pour le moment, là tout va bien
Il n'y a pas de tension, notre objectif est encore loin
Chacun est placé correctement, prêt à son poste
Même les ingénieurs ne pensent pas qu'il y aura riposte
Les tout derniers réglages, dernières vérifications
Au dessus des nuages, même l'Enfer n'a pas de maison
Tout le monde est concentré et le silence est appliqué
Et au dessus de moi, le voyant rouge vient de s'allumer
Un peu de panique dans l'air, de l'électricité
Les regards se croisent quelques secondes pour se rapprocher
L'objectif est tout près et la peur m'envahit
Au fond de moi, je sais bien sûr ce qu'il va se passer ici
Je pense à ma femme, à ma famille dans cette cabine
Et je revois comme ce matin le sourire de ma gamine
La lumière verte, j'appuie sur le bouton, voilà
Je viens de jeter une bombe sur Hiroshima

On est sur d'être des types bien
Des véritables puritains, des patriotes européens
L'Etat a fait de nous des hommes, pas des pantins
Pourtant en Tchétchénie, on ne fait rien

1-2-3

well, here it is free soul :)

Three names you go by:
Marianne
Marmar
Moura

Three screen names you have had:
Froggy
Marionnetta
Marientes (mix of marianne and morientes, i was learning spanish and it was during the world cup)

Three parts of your heritage:
Egyptian/African/Arab
Iraquian
Coptic

Three things that scare you:
wars
loosing a friend
doing something i'm not sure of

Three of your everyday essentials:
emails
blogging (reading or writing)
saying good morning to everybody in the house

Three things you are wearing right now:
t-shirt
short
shebsheb (flip-flap)

Two truths and a lie:
I can cook
I can spend hours and hours reading
I collect cocktelsticks

Three physical things about the opposite sex that appeal to you:
height (must be taller than me.. lol)
if his toe is smaller than 2nd finger (don't ask me how to know it)
his brain (but in a not physical way)

Three things you just can’t do:
hate someone
lying or hiding something for somebody
cheating

Three of your favorite hobbies:
reading
piano
writing

Three things you want to do really badly right now:
receive email from work
call a friend
have breakfast

Three places you want to go on vacation:
spain
costa rica
mars (who knows when it would be possible)

Three things you want to do before you die:
perform in a concert
say goodbye to my friends and family
travel around the world

Three ways I am stereotypically a woman:
sometimes i cry watching a movie (just some tears)
spend money on cloth
talk a lot (raghy ya3ni)

Three ways I am stereotypically a girl:
I love cartoons
I love dolls (peluches)
I love massassa (sucette)

Three people who have to take this quiz:
(i'll state most people who comment here)
African Doctor
Fido
YOU

19 years ago

after few hours from now, my brother will be celebrating his birthday. Fadi was born on the 5th of august, 19 years ago. it will take me ages to say everything. i remember him when he was little, i remember our playing together, even our fights.
all i can say is that he is a source of joy even when i'm very angry with him, he manages to make me smile after all and that i'm glad he is my brother.
if you didn't meet him yet, you don't know what you are missing and if you have met him already, i guess i don't have something to add about him.
so HAPPY BIRTHDAY my little brother ;)

years ago, at sharm el sheikh. (u can see that once i was taller than him.. lol)

We make our own decisions, but the Lord alone determines what happens.

Proverbs 16:33

a trip

last sunday, i wanted to go to heliopolis. usually i take the metro to el tahrir then take a CTA. when i arrived to el tahrir, there were lots of security, cos of what happened the previous day. i waited and waited, no CTA, and the more i wait, the more i feel insecure, cos of what could happen and also cos i didn't like just standing in the sun, and the officers looking at me the so i decided to take the first thing to go to heliopolis. so, i saw a minibus, with roxy as destination, so i get in it. i was sitting near a young lady, who had a baby with her. he was really a nice boy, he kept looking at me and smiling, a big fantastic smile though he had no teeth. anyway, we (me and her) discovered that the route goes to shubra then to sawa7 then to heliopolis. it took about an hour, i was late, but at the same time, i had a nice time, thanks to this little boy and also i discovered new places, i never went to (i went before to shubra but not crossing all that way). and i thought, wow, cairo is too big, there are a lot of places to discover.
so at the end i wasn't that angry about all that, i decided to enjoy my time instead of blaming everybody.

finally

i can't describe my feelings. looking in the results, to find my name, and yes, look again to make sure it's true. here's my name, here's my grades. 5 years has passed by, it was hard to try to keep it up, but i guess i managed it as best i could. i know that sometimes i could have done better, this year i could have done better, but i'm happy and i guess it's one of the few times feeling that yes, i'm satisfied, that the hard work payed of.
i think it's the only year i was not anxious about results. maybe cos it took a long time so we forgot about results, about grades.. or maybe cos i already know what i'll do next, not waiting for the results to determine that.
i wanted to see all my friends, but i just saw a few. i wish everybody succes in his/her life.
and now, i can say, i'm an engineer :).

Leprosy - Part 2

Note before reading:
When i began to write this, i had in mind to share my experience but while writing, i just kept going from one subject to another. i'll try to arrange all in points. also i didn't think i'll write all that, so i hope u'll have enough patience to read it till the end :).

How it all began with me?
first time i went, it was in 2002. my brother (at that time still at school), with a group of friends, volunteered with caritas. there were different groups of volunteers, each with different volunteer work or task, and they choose that, going to abou zaabal with a group from belgium.

Who are the belgium group?
every year, for about more than 10 years, a group of about 15 volunteers come to egypt in july to work in abou zaabal. the association behind this is called Fondation Damien. this foundation is to fight against leprosy and tuberculose and help the countries in development. (i'll write later about this foundation).

Information about the place:
it is situated in abou zaabal in the Qalyoubeya governorat. it takes about an hour to go there from cairo.
the facility includes: 3 different locations, in the U form. the central (main) is in the base (for men), one for the men and the 3rd for the women.
the ministry of health supervises it, there r nurses working there and sisters (nons) also supervising the place, they go and return every day.
in each of the locations, there are either rooms, for 2 or 3 persons or big chamber, dormitory, with beds (3anbar or dortoir).
also outside this place, there's a center for kids younger than age of school (3-6 years old) and it is run by Caritas. and in this center, there's also lessons for girls (older) to learn trico and sewing and to learn reading and writing.

What we do there?
the belge group, most of them are studying nursing or medicine, they go to the people and help the nurses there. at the same time, every year there's a paiting project. this year we painted a dormitory (ceiling and walls). one year, last year, we painted 2 rooms of external clinics, the year before classes at the center, and the year before the walls of this center.
also for 2 days during the working period, we make some animations for the children: for example this year, teaching them how to brush their teeths, wash their face and hair, or doing some games.. it depends.

My experience:
well i guess now that you have a brief overview about the location, it will be easier to follow up.
the first time i went, i was a little afraid as anyone does when he faces a new thing, but not cos of the people there or the desease (though i didn't know much about the details).
anyway i was surprised, how the people there treat the belge, and how the belge treat them. i mean it is not their country, they pay for this to come and serve, i was really touched and impressed. they give them hugs and kisses, it was first strange for me to do that, but i get used to it and this grew from year to year, i feel that i like it and enjoy my time, the people there remembers me, sometimes they forget my name, but they remember me.
people there are simple people, rejected by the society. sometimes u can hear them shouting and fighting, but i guess this is normal between neighbours and deep inside they love each other.
they like when foreigners come, they feel that someone cares about them, that they leave everything to come for them.
as for the children in the center, they love it. they are very excited especially when someone takes their photo, they shout with the flash.
i can't describe all my feelings, but i learned a lot from there and i appreciate every moment i passed, the friendships i made, the people i met and i wish i can participate again.

that's all i can say now.. i'll try to post later about small things that happened and that touched me somehow.
thanks for ur patience.

Invitation

starting from thursday 28/07, in the garden of el sakkia (in zamalek), u can leave anything to express ur feelings about what happened in sharm el sheikh and about terrorism. just put anything u want, a picture, a draw, a candle, flowers...

for more information:
http://africano.blogspot.com/2005/07/blog-post_26.html

for photos:
http://digressing.blogspot.com/
http://marianneayad-focus.blogspot.com

Leprosy - Part 1

The last week i was volunteering at abou zaabal, at the leprosy, as i have been doing in summer for the last 3 years.
i'll try to talk more about the place, and things related to all that but as i am really busy, i'll try to post whenever i can.

Here is the first article, about the desease itself. i'm not a doctor, i don't understand all the technical words, so i'll simplify it as much as i can. Excuse me if i'm not getting into much details or if there r some mistakes (but u have to tell me about them)

Although leprosy was well known since old time, the bacteria causing it, Mycobacterium leprae, was discovered in 1873 by Gerhard A. Hansen (1841-1912). it comes from the greek word "lepros".

The symptoms of this disease:

• loss of sensation at the nerve end
• destroyed blood vessels, ligaments and skin tissues
• eroded bones
• sores
• ulcers
• scabs ( i don't know what this means so don't ask me, ask professionals)

Leprosy is neither hereditary nor infected by touch.
Close contact over a long period of time with an untreated person is needed in order to be infected with the disease. (the place i go, in abou zaabal, all people are already treated, i'll talk about there later in following posts).
and finally, leprosy can be cured.

sources:
http://www.tipsofallsorts.com/leprosy.html
http://www2.kenyon.edu/Projects/Margin/lepers.htm
http://www.pitt.edu/~super1/lecture/lec10641/

crazy world

i can't think of something to say now. it is just that i wish that people can understand that there are other solutions than violence. what's wrong with people? can't we live in peace?

Irak

Today, my uncle and cousin arrived to Egypt. Of course i was happy to see them again but at the same time, hearing stories make me feel so sad.
i just want to tell u, that things are worse and worse then last september, that things are not as in TV.
here r some stories, the trend now is that gangs buy hostage from other gangs, a way to invest. here's a sad true story. one guy was kidnapped and they asked for 100,000 dollars. his family sold everything, house, car, all to get the money. they gave them money but he didn't return so they contacted them. another gang told them, they bought him from the old gang and they want money, at least the capitol. they couldn't pay anything, so the gang left the head of the guy in the garden of the house.
all the bright and smart people had left iraq so the people left, and governing of course, are not qualified at all.
a very big hospital, like the el kasr el einy in egypt, only 6 doctors in one speciality instead of 50.
another horrible story, the neighbour of my uncle was arrested by police, they said suspect of being a terrorist. he was really tortured badly, i won't say how. but after all that, still not confessing (he was innocent of course) , and they decided to kill him with a bullet in the head and drop him somewhere the following morning, but they got a picture by mobile of the real wanted person, so they left him at the end.
u can see parts of bodies when u walk on the street.
the temperature is 50 degrees, no electricity a lot of time during the day so now way to have air condition or even fans.

all that make me realize, that i'm blessed to live in egypt. i know that many don't agree, but just try to imagine what if... i don't want to add something more. i just wanted to let u know what happens really there and also that we don't appreciate sometimes what we have.

New BLOG

Helloz,
first, thanks for keeping visiting my blog though i don't post this much these days, i can't find time though i have a lot to say.
here is finally a blog Faces & Places for the pics i take as a friend has suggested, few months ago.

recapitulation

i know i didn't write for a long time, so i want to make it up, i guess u'll hear me a lot from now on so i hope u won't be bored.

first, for those who don't know the word, recapitulation in music means some notes (some bars) linking to the beginning again which is repeated.
i think that i need to do this with my life, to recap every thing. i have got a lot and a lot to say, but don't find the words or should i say, can't get it clear.

i have been working for a month in the graduation project with my friend. i should say that we had some good moments, but also some bad moments but at last we did what we could do and thank god, we had an excellent.
what makes me a little sad, is not that i'll leave university but cos i'll leave my friends. i know this is life, but it is hard to think that one of my best friends from school will be far away. i know we didn't meet much lately, though we are in the same faculty, but i always knew that whenever i needed her, she's there and now i can't just imagine that she'll be not here for at least a year.
also another friend, that i gained from the univ, will travel soon and don't know when she'll be back, and another one travelled already but i'll meet her next month.
i'm sad cos i know that too many friends, too many people i won't be able to see, cos everyone will take his own path.
myself, i'll start a job in september, insha2alla, and i'll be mainly travelling. i'm excited about it but also i know that it will be hard sometimes, to leave everybody. i just don't realize it yet.
and next month, i'll be travelling, getting my last vacation probably before work.
sometimes i wonder what will be the future, what will i do. i want to do million things, now that i'm free and have time but i'm afraid to face the reality that i won't be able to do everything cos of life. like having million dreams but u just know that u just can achieve one only. anyway, i think this is too soon to think of now. i think all will be clear once i'm settled in my life.

this week, i'm working in abou za3bal, at the leprosy with a belgium group. this is my 4th year. i think i discovered why i do it. i just fell in love with the place and the people. although this year, i couldn't catch the 1st week of work cos of the project, i'm happy that i'm going this week.
i'll post later about the place and the people, about the work we do.

baya3 el foul

i took this photo this morning, going to abou za3bal at early morning.

Nice Word

Today, i was in the CTA (it seems that all the stories i talk about occur in the CTA). The driver was a really cheerful man. When on the road, we passed by 2 people talking very loud in the street (small accident). The driver when passing beside them said, it is nothing, just go on, but one of the men said come and see urself. so, the driver stopped and went to make peace between them and he succeeded. When he came back to the CTA he said, this is the nice word.
I was really impressed by this simple guy. It wasn't his job but yet, he took from his time to make something good for people and to spread the Nice Word as he said.

Make Poverty History

Today, 8 concerts in different countries Live to get the attention of the world, especially the leaders of the big countries about Africa. These concerts are not for collecting money, they are for free, but to deliver a message, a cry for help for the most needed countries. It is time to stop this, it is a pity that the rich countries always gain more and the poor countries are more and more in debts. It is a pity what the world had arrived to this extent, it is time to take an action.
http://www.live8live.com/
http://www.makepovertyhistory.org/extras/live8.shtml

I wanted to post this cos i think it is a positive thing that many people around the world are trying to do and it really touched me and if i share it with people, they'll share it with others and the message continue to run.
sometimes we can't make big things but we can begin with little things and look to the people that need the most our help in our country. i am sure that a lot of u already don't need to hear that cos u already doing it, so i'm giving u a big sheer and my encouragements :)

Efficient way to reconcile with urself

Yesterday, i was alone all day. I wasn't feeling that great so i decided to do something different and i think it worked out very well.
Sometimes we need to take a break from life, as if stopping the time and just be with ourselves and know what we need or what we think. Maybe after reading this u'll think i'm crazy, i don't care and i think if u try this, u'll feel better (well at least i did).
so i think by now u r curious about what i did... :)

okay, it really simple, all i did is, while being alone in the room, just talking to myself, saying what makes me angry, what i think, what i feel, my doubts, anything that crossed my mind at that moment. i already knew all that, but it is different when saying it then when just thinking about it.