My 2010 at a glance

I'm not the type of person to live in the past but 2010 was for sure one of the best years ever so I decided to take few moments and think of what i really liked the most.. maybe it would give me hope in 2011 which i really need these days.. so let's start

January:
Getting lost in Helwan trying to reach the Japanese garden and using my GPS for the first time.. technology is quite useful, specially in a country where people tend to help you even if they don't really know the answer

February:
My 1st real accident.... on Valentine's day... thank God it ended up something little but the accident itself was kind of scary
My car was flooded, ok i'm exagerating a little... it was raining too much that day and i forgot to close my car window so.. you can imagine how my seat was after few hours :)

March:
First time to experience hiking in the mountains, outdoors camping... it was a great trip, although challenging sometimes and i ended up with great old/new friends


April:
Trying Sandboarding
Spending a little vacation at Sharm El-Sheikh with my friends


May:
Going to Yemen for a short business trip and trying Shisha for the first time!!!


June/July:
Going to Sinai in 3 out of 4 weekends for hiking
Travelling for the first time driving my car (driving 700Km and 12 hours during 2 days!!)
Starting to play squash

August:
Camp formation de T.A... back to the roots.. a changing experience for me and the girls
Having stiches on my head

September:
Chopin @ the Pyramids

Starting the non-stop working mode (till now :( )

October:
Discovering the Catacombes and Kom El Sho2afa at Alexandria
Losing in the competition after 10 months of hard work!!!


November:
Having some great and unexpected news!!!!! Was a great surprise.. still to keep my promise to my friends ;)
Watching 3 movies within the same week (from the European Movie Festival)


December:
Back to "Journee de Nettoyage" after 10 years from being first promotion to start it... cleaning the school from inside and outside.. although it was a challenge this year as there was sandstorms, the girls had high spirits and happy about what they were doing

Personal Tribute to Aida

It is my 5th time to attend Opera Aida yet, it was like seeing it with totally different eyes.

I know already the music, the story.. but yet it still has its own charm.

I remember the first time, some 5 years ago, i was astonished and dazzled with all the music, costumes, lights... and the duration too (first time ever to attend a show in 4 acts!).
I didn't really follow the story at that time, just fascinated with everything on stage and enjoying my friend's presence.

2 years ago, i wrote the following after watching it for the 2nd time.

(http://marianneayad.blogspot.com/2009/01/love-kills-and-ressucites.html)

Watching it again and again, I don't feel or think the same way as once i did but these few words "it's about living the moment" make me reconsider my life during the last couple of years... I don't remember if this was the triggering moment, taking the decision to enjoy my life and really live every moment as it comes.. i might not be successful doing this all the time but looking back i feel that this is what i tried and still try to do. Not to be afraid to try something new cos it is out of the ordinary, not to plan everything in my life as I usually like to do, but to just live the moment as it comes.. ending up doing lot of things in one day which were not totally planned, travel and discover new places with some people i meet for the first time, breaking rules...

last year, went twice for Aida, at the Opera and the Pyramids..

The pyramids experience was different... cos you don't have this sensation of being at the Opera.. some spectators even were ruining this feeling of watching an Opera.. the only thing i enjoyed is that for the first time i'm not distracted to read the translation in arabic, just listening to the music as it is...

and finally, my 2011 Aida.. splendid as ever.. feeling more the power of the actors and their role in the story without focusing on the story itself.. feeling the music telling the story, when there is action, when there is romance, when there is sadness... wondering how composers can translate a story into music, and it is the music that tells the story at the end, even if you don't understand the words.. this is the magic of Aida

I am out of words

I may not be touched as everyone is, i'm not changing my profile picture, i'm not putting some quotes or verses in my status, i'm just keeping quiet... quiet cos when you are already in the middle of something, you can't focus on other's grief.. when you are wondering what tomorrow will bring, bad or good news, you can't just share people's feelings of disbelief, of slogans, of...
it's like i'm in another planet. I am not saying is that i'm not touched cos what happened is touching but at the end what is life when we disrespect the simplest rule of living? what is life when money, religion or whatever else becomes a goal to reach whatever the consequences are?
I can't feel grief cos i'm already grieving inside. I can't feel sympathy to the victims cos i'm a victim myself. A victim of long wars, tearing apart countries, cos of stupid people who care nothing about the consequences of the people living out there. A victim of having a part of my identity stolen cos of decisions changing the course of entire generations... and where does it lead us? presumed freedom? long forgotten justice? I don't think so.
I have mixed feelings i didn't have before, i feel powerless and nothing in my hands. I feel empty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

L'oiseau enfermé

Je me trouve toujours sans mots à dire
Quand je veux exprimer mes sentiments et mes désirs
C’est pour cela que je me mets à écrire
Peut-être je me sentirai plus libre

Le plus je garde tout pour moi
Le plus je veux crier à haute voix
Ça fait du temps que mon cœur bat
A chaque instant qu’on se voit

Moi qui prenais toutes mes gardes
Pour ne pas me laisser prendre par mégarde

Je deviens de plus en plus fragile
Je ne parviens pas à rester tranquille
Je m’enferme dans ma propre île
Et ca devient plus difficile

Difficile parce que je ne veux pas perdre
Tous ces instants qu’on se partage
Et à la fin je ne fais qu’attendre
Derrière les barreaux d’une cage

Comme un oiseau qui rêve de voler
A sa guise dans l’immensité
Mais qui se retient à cause d’une réalité
Qui le force à rester où il est

Il désire tant d’avouer
ses sentiments pour retrouver sa liberté
Même si à la fin il découvre que c’était un mirage
Au moins il serait sorti de cette cage

Mais que pourrait-on lui conseiller
Lui qui tant de fois a essayé
De courir derrière la vérité
Sans parvenir à l’attraper ?

L’oiseau a finalement décidé
De rester dans sa petite cage dorée
Jusqu’au jour où l’on ouvrira
La porte de son cœur qui bat

Le 01/01/2011

it is one of those days

It is one of those days
when everything goes the other way
when you wish you don't stay
just to go very far away

then out of nowhere comes a ray
a joke, a smile, a little play
and all you do is just pray
for God to send you a friend like today

At the wrong wedding

Few days ago, i was invited to a wedding of school friend whom i have not seen since very long time. I arrived 10 minutes late and the ceremony was already on going. I was surprised as normally the bride comes late... but I was even more surpised when i stepped in the church. First, the attendees where not what i was expecting, and i felt like a stranger, dressed up like that while the people where much more simpler... I tried to have a good place to see the bride and groom but I was seeing only their profiles, so I was watching the ceremony on the big screen. But.... the bride didn't look like my friend.. i was thinking maybe she changed, you know how you could look differently with all that make up, specially at your own wedding.. I knew it wasn't her but I wanted to be certain, at least to check if I was in the right church. And yes, i was at the right church, at the right time but at the wrong wedding... all that time inside the church was trying to think what if it wasn't her and i stayed till the end and i go to greet them... or when i was taken in the video, what would they say seeing someone they both dont know..
I stayed till i heard the priest pronouncing the name of the bride and groom which was different as i was expecting and this was the final confirmation that i was definitely in the wrong wedding so i decided to leave it.
I went outside and then saw lot of people standing at the main gate of the church. This time they seemed the type of people I was expecting to be attending the wedding... and yes, moments later, i saw the bride, in the car.. waiting for her turn to get married.
What a funny and unexpected evening :-)

Simply... a forgotten feeling

What a joy to reconnect with yourself, to simply forget anything and look to your own hands, playing like a child, trying to create something out of nothing, something that speaks of yourself, that says this is yours and only yours. Nothing else is comparable to it nor similar, it is unique and has even more value for you cos it is simply your creativity.
I've forgotten this joy and happiness, long time ago did i grab a pen or colors to draw, or make any bricolage... and suddenly out of nowhere, it was there before me, clay and pottery and a chance to make something out of it... although i had to get help, and it was not that easy, but i feel proud of what i've done. it may not be perfect, it may not be that pretty, but for me it's something more, it's the long lost dream, the forgotten joy, that life had carried away....
My only wish is to take it as a start and not an ending...

Hiking experience

I had the chance to experience the adventure of hiking in Sinai. It all started by an invitation to join a hiking trip to El Galt El Azraq. I was tempted to join in as i love to explore new places and also to try something different and it turned out to be one of the richest experience i had.
I discovered a lot about myself , that i had more endurance than i thought, based on my previous experience in Bahareya Oasis a year ago. I met new people i didn't know before and we lived together a 3 wonderful days although our differences and our hiking experience. Everybody helped others, whether in climbing, sharing water, sharing needed stuff (like the needle and the brick needed to carry on the little operations of blowing off the little bubbles on our feet).
The only thing i really missed during this trip is that although we were hiking in one of the beautiful places, my mind was not there to contemplate this beauty and we didn't have much time to just sit and watch what is around us, as we were always on the move catching up with time, and i was so focused on the hiking itself, to watch out from making a bad move.
I loved watching the stars shining in the sky at night, camping in the outdoors, drinking from waterfalls, seeing the flowers and the trees flourishing in the mountains.
The most difficult was to challenge myself, to go beyond the limits that the mind can draw, and it is then when i discovered that these limits were fake, that i can do more than i could imagine. It is strange how the mind can hold you from a lot of things and bind you even just trying something. Life is so rich but we only need just a little bit of will to go further.
Also, one of the things that i liked is that i discovered more about my personnality through my friends. Sometimes it is hard to see myself through my own eyes, and that's when you need other people to tell you more about you.
So this is an invitation for you to look for more than you can see, and believe me, you'll discover that life can give you much more than you can imagine.

The day after

Why i can't feel happiness like everybody because our national team won the Afrcian Cup of Nations again breaking records? Why all i can see in the morning is the garbage in the streets after people celebrating all night? why do i feel sad, just after 10 minutes of the last whistle and holding the cup? I don't care if we had lost, of course happy that we won but if we had lost, i wouldn't be so sad. I feel that we forget far more important things in our life and we just think of winning a game. And now what, we won the cup and then? What about tomorrow, what about the day after?

Agora

In the adventure of discovering new movies, out of the current trend of movies played in the cinemas, Agora was the one who caught most my attention.

It is a movie directed by Alejandro Amenábar. The story takes place in ancient Alexandria, about a woman, Hypatia, who was a scholar, avid for science and teaching. What is the most striking about this movie is that it can the every day story, no matter when, who or where. The long fight between the fanatism and the believes. How everything can be manipulated in such a way that at the end, we forget what is the origin of all things. When the love for religion becomes fight for supermacy, the differences between people emphasis the distances and search for glory becomes the main concern.

Shouldn't we learn from history... that history that we neglect and we only remember the facts like the date of the wars or the name of the kings and queens... but what about the history of the people who lived? how people where thinking and coexisting with as much diversity as nowadays? we know nothing, although this is what we ought to know in order to undersand better the past and the present. I'm not saying we should learn from the past but that we should look at it from another point of view, a more human view than a historical one.

Ressemblance and Diversity

We share the same continent, yet we are different.... not the same language, not the same color, not even the same religion and yet, we discovered although these differences, we do share one small thing (beside working in the same company) which is Hibisicus, herb used to make a red colored drink or more commonly knows as Karkade in Egypt and Bissap in Senegal.

If we don't try the "other" things, we miss the experience and we miss the discovery of the resemblance. I think this is what is lacking in our world. If we try what's different, we might feel that we are more alike. If we care to know something that might be insignificant like the local name of a local drink, our perspective would have change.

But as every thing else in our world, we are afraid from "what is not like what we know" and we don't even have the urge to do try something new or different cos we are more comfortable with what we know already. and this lead us to live in a bubble, not daring even to see what's outside and the bubble becomes blurry till we can't even see what is just under our nose.

from wiki: different names in different places

It is also known as meśta/meshta on the Indian subcontinent, Tengamora in Assam,Gongura in Telugu,chin baung in Myanmar, กระเจี๊ยบ krajeab in Thailand, bissap in Senegal, Guinea Bissau, Mali, Burkina Faso, Ghana, Benin andNiger, the Congo and France, dah or dah bleni in other parts of Mali, wonjo in the Gambia, zobo in Nigeria (the Yorubas in Nigeria call the white variety Isapa (pronounced Ishapa)), karkade (كركديه; Arabic pronunciation: [ˈkarkade]) in Egypt, Saudi Arabia, and Sudan, omutete in Namibia,sorrel in the Caribbean and in Latin America, Flor de Jamaica in Mexico, Saril in Panama, rosela in Indonesia, asam paya or asam susur in Malaysia. In Chinese it is 洛神花 (Luo Shen Hua) .

Between Fear and Hope

was the theme of the unexpected spectacle i had attended last night. I would say unexpected cos it was totally inovative and challenging. The dancers really were moving as driven by the music, every step as if was created to this note or that beat and were taking you from fear to happiness , from love to hate, from death to life. I was amazed feeling all these feelings at once, going through the deepest parts of my soul, discovering hope underneath the surface.
It is amazing how just a small spectacle can transcend all those feelings at once. Like living in a virtual world, it is not ours but it is there and you come up with lot of questions of who and what.
The most striking was that for the part of "Sacre du Printemps" of Stravinsky, the Pina Bauch band were dancing upon a covered floor with actual and real dirt. Each step taken was traced on it to leave its mark. Like our life, every little thing leaves its footprint even if we can't see it. At the end, it is us who should pay attention cos if unseen, it is like using a part of ourselves.
To be honest, I didn't have all these thoughts last night. It is like seeing or capturing a scene in ur memory then after that u think about it and strikes u with the plain clear meaning.

Shadia

Shadia is a little girl, not more than 8 years old... she sells some glittering head thing at Khan El Khalili. She came to our table, with her little smiley face as many other beggers/sellers but unlike everyone else, she had her little own sharm. A minute then she commented on my brother's old mobile (Nokia 6150) that he like very much. Imagine this little girl giving him hard words about his mobile and how he still carries it. She was so hilarious cos she was talking so seriously... we couldn't stop laughing... at the end, she didn't want money when someone tried to offer her, she said she is not a begger, she only sells... A little girl that knows what it means to have self respect and decency, that is something so rare in our society...

Expectations, between reality and dreams

For my 200th post in my blog, trying to ask myself, what are my expectations from writing and blogging.. is it to write only for the sake of writing or to share whatever i feel is good to share with friends, family or totally strangers? is it to try to get the attention of "someone" without telling him/her directly about feelings and thoughts? is it not having anything else to do except wasting time by typing words on an empty screen??
Does it really matter what is the reason behind all this in the first place?

And when those expectations are lost, when the dreams are just more dreams carried away by the wind of time, and the reality is just another reality which is more cruel than anything else, at this point, we forget about any expectations. The high hopes are shuttered into million pieces and the dreams become nightmares. Should we forget about those dreams? Should we leave everything to the fate, whatever the outcome will be? Cos the more we have expectations in life, the more we suffer if we can't fulfill them. Does it worth all this trouble?

I try to live by the concept of give it a try even if it won't work out. At least, you wouldn't miss what could be achieved and if it turns out to the other way, you know it wasn't for you at this time. Sometimes i get discouraged, sometimes i get lost in the middle, and few rare times, i get to live just one tiny moment of true happiness, cos i feel i reached something, even if in the moments after it is gone already. And those little moments, are what give me motive to have more expectations even though most of the times, they are trashed away by little unsignificant events.

Anyway, i'm still keep searching for this point where dreams meet reality and i do have high expectations to reach it someday... until then, i guess i'll be bothering you with my posts every now and then :D

Karetas

Now in my way back to home, i pass by Kasr el Nil bridge, which is one of the oldest bridges in Cairo. This bridge is known as a place to visit, specially on summer nights, cos of the view, the Nile and all the lights around, its proximity to downtown and a famous place for friends or lovers to hangout.
With all that, comes the "kareta", this small carriage that is steered by a horse. It is mostly used by tourists or foreigners, or egyptians who want to have a quite different experience.
I wonder how people enjoy a ride in a "kareta" in the middle of all those cars and noise and pollution... shouldn't be those rides in some specific area just for the karetas for the sake of both, the karetas passengers and the car passengers?

Too much love kills the love

A couple of days ago, during an exchange of messages, the above 'quote' was mentioned as an example.. It was a first time for me to hear and it made me wondering if too much of something could kill this thing? How and Why?
If we check our daily life, like for material and physical things, it is more or less correct. Too much smoke kills or at least would affect the health. Too much water could kill the plants...
But for the non-material things, is it the same thing and why?

I think it is related to the fact that the human being needs constant change, whatever in the rythm, in the activities and to be unique.
Too much work will make us hate working and kills the ambition to excel in this domain.
if a person talks a lot, we would find that he/she becomes a boring one, with all the stories repeated.

but back to the quote that intrigues me, Too much love kills the love. Why isn't the same with hate. Wouldn't be great if the too much hatred in this world would vanish just like that? does the person have what is called a "normal selection" to which feelings are good to fill life with them and which may lead to the "self destruction"?
or is it related to that the excess of something could ruin it all? as per the prior two things, a perspon needs change and uniqueness.

Why is it difficult to say I love you?

This is a question that always had been intriguing me since long time...

why is it always when coming to feelings, we just keep them inside us?
why we don't say i love you or even i like you even if it is so obvious?
why do we have to wait till we are 500% certain before saying it?
why are we afraid from the reaction and can't act like normal grown up people? if it is a no, then it is a no, and life goes on... but yet, this is not the case for most of people, it changes everything.

why and why.... and we keep wondering and life goes by and at the end, we end up missing lot of "could be" cos we didn't have the courage for one moment to say what we really feel.

Rediscovering Egypt

The idea started by mixing two of my favourite things, visiting historical places and monuments, and photography. Both make me discover new horizons and dimensions, through photography i notice the greatness of those places, and at the same time, i'm trying to rediscover places that are hidden to the common people or to discover new aspects for the more common places.
It gives me joy to hold my camera, adjust the settings and click on the button. The result might not be as beautiful as the reality but i also keep in mind those few moments of amazement and excitment. To think what could be behind at door, or what's inside this room and to notice small details that contribute in the whole thing, to be transported to another world that used to be the real world.
I'm just happy and i hope that i could keep it up like that.... Wait for the coming adventures :)

Thank you

When your heart wants to feel happy, but your mind is preoccupied, you kind of feel lost in the middle. You want to enjoy your time but you feel there is something missing. It’s like an incomplete happiness.
And that is when you discover that your friends are the best in the world. They try to cheer you up and make you feel better. They make you for a while forget your worries and help you to face your troubles.

Love kills and resurrects

Aida, the famous Opera by Verdi, is all about Love. The love of country, the love of parents, the love of life.... the love of suffering.
As the stories goes by, we discover that the different loves struggle all together. The soldier defend his country till the last drop of blood, the daughter loves her father and obeys him even if on the account of her love... a person will think first that this is the reality, that one will sacrifice everything for his country and family but.... that's where we are wrong. True love triumphs at the end, even by death. It is not about living happily ever after, it's about living the moment knowing that the other person is just right here, breathing the same air, living and dying... The moment that it is found, nothing else matters, but really what matter more is declaring it and not keeping it for ourselves, just cos being afraid for the consequences, or waiting to be 100% sure but when this moment arrives, it may be too late...
The opera may be tragic specially at its end, but worth to see and live for the few hours outside our world, in a world of love.