Initiation in elections

Yesterday, 28/11/11, was a big day for Egypt and for me. I participated in my first elections, not only as a voter, but as an observer from inside. It was a great experience and I'm really happy with it. Here is an account of what I had witnessed in this historical day.

It all started this morning, I went as many others to the school were I should vote. I was standing in the row in front of the class where my polling station is, with around 15 persons in front of me. It was already 8am but the voting didn't start. I was talking with the people around me in the row, neighbors in the area I had never met before. The time was passing by but still waiting for the opening, then the judge came to us and asked if anyone would like to volunteer as an observer since they needed at least one additional person for this job (as representative parties) to be able to start the voting process. Since I like that kind of things, I volunteered and I found myself sitting inside all day :). It was great cos i got to see the whole thing, from the judge to the employees passing of course by the voters.

The judge is the first person I would really salute. He was almost doing everything inside the classroom. Starting from ensuring that everything is done according to the laws to helping voters if they have some difficulties while voting. He was not resting a single moment except when the classroom is closed at prayer times. He was very patient with all, and very helpful. And really almost all the time not resting a minute, giving orders to the voters, helping them, putting papers in the ballots.

I was surprised to know the committee inside were present at the place from 2-3am. They were very professional, giving instructions only on how to vote without talking about any of the candidates.

Around 700 voters, all women, came to the polling station were I was (it was serving to ballots). Most of them were voting for the first time and were happy of it. The majority came with a small card offered by the party of MB (Freedom and Justice) with the number of the polling station and their number in the list. It was a new trick to gather more supporters offering them help, as clever as always.

I was deeply touched by old people coming to vote for the first time in their life, happy and telling us God bless you. Children coming with their mothers/grandmothers and asking to have their finger dipped in the ink. Some didn't know for whom to vote for, some convinced with their selections, others just voting for the candidates who cared for them.

The only thing i really regret in all that, seeing many people who didn't know at all what's the voting process or what are the parties. This means that we failed to teach them about their rights. We failed to reach for them and help them understand. We are all blamed for that as it is our responsibility to help the less fortunate and less educated.
Still, I am very optimistic for the future of out country whatever the result will be. We are all still learning the a b c of elections. We might fail at some point but this won't stop us to be better. The happiness I saw, the eagerness and satisfaction was beyond my expectations. This positive feeling was spreading so quickly between everybody. Yes, Egypt is still and will always be great by its own people wherever they are.

God bless Egypt!

Al-Zouk

I had the opportunity to go for a short visit to Sohag, in Upper Egypt and meet with people living in small villages. The purpose of this trip is to increase political awareness among communities living far away from Cairo, to encourage them to participate in the coming elections, to explain how to select the right candidate, what is the role of parliment members and the most important, to make them realise that the future of our country is in their hands and it is up to them to carry on the wind of change.
The people we met were simple people, but proud. They didn't complain about not having much money but that they want this revolution to succeed. They were avid to discuss with us, ask questions to understand better about the coming elections.
We had a separate meeting with woman and men in Al-zouk, a small village of Al-Monshaa. The Saidi woman knows that it is important to vote, to educate girls in schools and universities but at the same time, she must respect her husband's wishes. She doesn't give up but she complies his final word. I was fascinated and maybe disappointed with such contradiction. How these women, have such strong views about education and empowerment but at the same time, they obey their men even if they are not convinced and they can't just say no. They are clever and strong but at the end, they can't just do all they want at a given moment.
I was disappointed cos i feel that there are lot of people like that. Maybe we could convince some of those men to allow their women to vote, but there are still much more people to reach. Change is inevitable but it might take longer than i thought. Maybe i was too optimistic that people will have second thoughts after the revolution, that it will be a new era and a new start for all of us in everything in our lives.
One of the best moments during that day was talking to young girls, less than 12 years old, they have high aspirations for their future and they are the hope of our country. Maybe our visit gave them more ambitions, seeing young people in the 20's travelling all the way just to talk to them.
It feels great to be able to make a small change in our society but gives bigger responsibilities to go further and further.
You don't have to travel hundreds of kilometers to talk with people, you can discuss with the people around you and they will discuss to the people around them and so on.

Craziness

After having a small discussion with a friend, I tried to remember how many crazy things have i done in my life and to what extent..

First, to define what is craziness. Is it doing something crazy which is outside the norms? and who defines those norms? Is it in relation with the society living in it? So doing something could be normal for some people in some society, could appear abnormal and crazy for others..

Here are my top crazy things in my opinion, in the last 10 years (order doesn't reflect anything)

1. Go in a lake with cloth on and actually stumbling and falling in the water :)

2. Go in the desert after work for few hours to watch shooting stars
not to mention not having appropriate cloth for the cold (was freezing), not fueling the car which was already giving an alarm for low fuel.

3. Go alone at night to the Cairo Tower to shoot the lunar eclipse

4. Spending several 3 weekends in a month hiking in Sinai mountains

5. Trying new food like porc-epic
http://marianneayad.blogspot.com/2005/12/my-lunch-today.html

6. Expressing my love (Based on experience, as the consequences are not always as expectations, not going to try it again)

7. Assisting Aida every year (the 6th time coming soon)
http://www.marianneayad.blogspot.com/2011/01/personal-tribute-to-aida.html

8. Driving 700Km , 12 hours in 2 days

9. Venturing alone in Old Sanaa, Yemen (applicable to other places too)

10. will keep it for myself ;-)

Note: I just completed this post last night (16/01/2012)
Thinking about crazy stuff is not easy after all!!!

From El-Tahrir to El-Minya

The 220km jurney between Cairo and Minya standing in the small corridor between 2 train wagons was one of the most interesting time i had recently.
I will try to summarize some of the conversations that took place during the 3-4 hours

the main actors (passengers) and their alias for the sake of the story telling
- a guy from Sohag who was returning back to propose for marriage => el se3idi
- a civil engineering student orginally from Minya but living in Cairo => the student
- a forced army guy, saying little although he knows too much => army man
- a reporter => reporter
- 2 friends that i just made their acquaintance earlier, the 3 of us heading to Minya for giving a political awerness session
- a guy who was against revolution and protests => mr.pessimistic

Scene 1:
El se3idi was telling that once he was taken by police and was hit all night and from that time he never had any encounter with them. He and his friends were beaten a lot, having the hands tied to a table. The student also told his own police encounter, at the university when one day he slapped a security guard (amn markazy), as he refused him to enter with the car inside the university although having a permit and he insulted his dad...


Scene 2:
The guy from Sohag was discussing with 2 people gathered around him about the current situation in Egypt. He said he was muslim but against Muslim Brotherhood and was arguying with him saying that revolution brought only unstability and lack of security. The engineering student brought up a story of a policeman who was on the road with his wife and was stopped by thugs who asked his wife to step out of the car. So he told her go out, and then he took off his gun and shot the thugs and left. The arguing guy was saying this is what the revolution has brought to the country

Recap (17/01/2012): There were too many stories, i didn't complete this post back then so I will stop here.

self reflexion

I am writing this post without thinking ahead of what i will say. I will just say whatever comes to my head without thinking cos i feel that i have a lot to say but if i just had some time to think, i'll be lost in what to write... as if writing now anything that pops up won't be itself kind of being lost between words and feelings.
I feel that what i've been doing lately is watching news on facebook, status, notes, videos, articles posted by friends. Some are sarcastic and funny, others are the ugly reality. I repost what i like, comments on other but at the end, where am i in all that? it is like kind of overwhelmed with all of that and caught in the circle of reading, commenting, posting, commenting, reading... but not doing something concrete. I am usually an "action" person, not a "mouth" person but i feel that i'm totally out of actions.
I have mixed feelings, i'm back to the so called normal life, but it is not normal anymore. I go to work, i started to see friends, i even during this weekend saw a movie and read a book but i feel that still everything is not the same. I stopped questionning about what will happen tomorrow, what ministers will come, who will be exposed, which scandle will come next.. it is as if my body is living (breathing, eating, sleeping) but my mind is in a coma. My mind is aware of the events that are happening daily, but detached in the same time.
I need to concentrate more on some things these days but i can't. I can't cos i'm distracted, but who is not distracted? Since it all had started, passed through lot of phases, happiness, sadness, sorrow, hope, distress, it is kind of myself is revolting on myself for being caught in all that.
I am not asking to get back to whatever was my life before the revolution has started, not at all. But i might be questionning myself, where were I all that time? I know i am not that bad, I had principles, I tried to help whenever I can, I tried to do my job the best I can, I tried to not be limited with the routine life, but to search for more.... but I was totally ignorant about the politics or shall i say, i didn't really care about it and it was not part of my interest. I didn't vote before, I didn't know a lot of the people who are now surfacing on stage and it makes me wonder, why? I know that we have a lot of poverty, lot of injustice and I sympathized with all that.. and whenever i could try to do something, i did... but at the end, i was living good with no worries about tomorrow. i have a good family, have good friends and i try to contribute in society.. but is it enough? I used to think of myself a proactive person but i discovered that i'm not. I thought that i was courageous and a daring person but then i failed to stand up to my standards. My self image is destroyed. I admit, i'm not the person i thought i was, but i still don't know what person i want to be...

We ALL WOKE UP :)

My last post i was asking myself what would be next? hoping that people would wake up.. wake up to see the reality about this country and just make anything for a better one.

I never imagined that all what happened would really be a reality, I never thought that a simple call for demonstration would lead to where we are now with all the bad and the good.

Maybe I've lost this hope of a better place sometime ago along the way of my 28 years of living and just thinking that if i do what i believe in and i do little, i can change the small world i live in. But i guess i was wrong, we needed something bigger to make this change, we needed everybody's will to build something out of nothing.

Now looking back for the last 2 weeks, i see lot of things.. I didn't want to write or post anything cos i didn't know from where to start. I was lost in the middle, caught in an internal fight between hope and fear.. but now i want just to write all those feelings, to remember.

It started the 25th of January, when people went to protest while i was working at home. I didn't think to go to the protest cos I had to work as it is my priority to deliver the project i'm running. I wanted to go and participate deep inside, probably cos of what I've experienced few days earlier (check my previous post). The days before the demonstrations I saw videos posted on YouTube and facebook, about these Peaceful protests, about what to do, what is it about and I felt it might be a big one but not as it turned to be.

Later on I asked friends who went and told me it was really great and much bigger although they were trying to hide it on the local media and I wished i could have gone.

One of the slogans which depicted the spirit of this revolution is "تغيير .. حرّية .. عدالة إجتماعية" meaning "change, liberty, social justice"

The following day i went to work as usual, following what's happening on the field on the internet, yes the demonstrations where still there and then, we received an email about leaving the office early due to what might happen... I was a bit worried, why would they ask us to leave? What would happen next? Would I make to home safely? Would I be caught in the middle? I made it to home without any incidents but following the news it was taking more and more attention.

So I decided the following day, Thursday, to work from home, not cos I was afraid to go all the way to Smart Village but cos I feared that they ask us to leave early and i'll be wasting time for nothing and I asked all the team to do the same thing (these are the consequences of being a manager and having deadlines). I was still following more and more what's happening, every few minutes checking for the updates to an extent i decided to close facebook to be able to concentrate on work. Later on, heard about difficulties to log on facebook but as i was connected through the work network, i was able to be online on facebook. At night, i was discussing with some friends on msn, about what's happening and going on and then my brother told me that he send some sms to a friend but didn't receive all. So I decided to try myself, not believing that it could be really true, that the state would prevent the access of facebook and now banning sms cos afraid of the following day protests of "Friday of Anger". Anyway I tried myself, sending sms between my 2 mobile numbers of 2 different operators... and I was trying also with a friend.. and it was true, no sms.. ok now it is getting far after couple of hours, around midnight, internet was down. I thought i had problem but then a friend called me and ask me if I had a problem on internet.. that was too big.

And then came the big Friday.. I woke up and then looking on my mobile, didn't find a signal.. I checked my other phone and it was still working. I switched to 3G and I restored the signal back so I made a couple of calls to warn my friends. It was going far now, the government shutting internet, sms and now cell phones. I thought it would be for couple of hours but the day was passing and still no phone coverage. I was watching the different channels, how big the crowds, seeing also violence, hearing reports.. and i was fearing for my friends who went to the Tahrir Square for the demonstrations. I didn't know how to reach my friend, since no mobile and I didn't have her phone number till later in the evening. I managed to call a common friend and it happened that she had called him and i got the land line number i could reach her on. We both had this common friend's number cos he just installed a phone at his new appartment. I looked on my contact list on my mobile and discovered that I don't have my friend's home numbers except my friends since school days. I only had the number of 3 of my friends at work and i remembered the circumstance i asked for it (one cos i was in the middle of discussion then the mobile's battery ran out so he called me from his house, one cos there was problems in the network when at home and he was teleworking that day and the 3rd one mentioned previously). I remembered the old times, when I used to call my friends and one of their family members would answer. I discovered I still remember the phone numbers I knew by heart.

I wanted that day to go to the streets but my parents didn't like the idea and also after seeing that there is no way of communication, i was afraid to be out there without being able to tell my parents i'm fine.

Time passes by with more worrying news, suddenly we hear about a curfew ordered by the High Commander in Chief aka, the president.. I always heard this word without feeling its meaning. In my mind it was just people not going out to the streets.

The building of the National Democratic Party near the Egyptian Museum was burning as well as other buildings, police stations being torched, thieves or whatever they are called looting shops as if a sudden evil has been leached in the middle of life.

Around 6pm we heard that the President will make a speech.. it was about time, the country is going downhill, day after day without any comment from the Government.. the time passes by and still no Moubarak. Why is he taking all that time? Is he preparing his escape? Is he dead and they are trying to figure out how to convey this news to the people? Finally i went to sleep, but after an hour or so, my mom woke me up to hear the speech. After all that time waiting for him to speak, all he says is that he will change the government. What? After few days of anger and rage and protests and clashes and.... Why the government did not present their resignation in the first place after the first day of confrontations? I was too disappointed and at the same time, I felt this is not good at all and went back to sleep.

Thank God, the cellular networks came alive the following day, Saturday but still no internet.

I called friends to make sure they are fine, I received calls from other friends, I called my team and most important of all, I took the home telephone numbers of everybody I called just in case it happened again to have a mean of communication.

My brother went out to buy some medicaments and told me when he came back that the shop in the gas station near home was stolen. It is getting closer and closer to my home and my inner circle of comfort without feeling it coming. We also heard on TV about the looting of Carrefour. That was too much to take, trying to imagine the shops I used to buy things from emptied and destroyed as if some kind of storm has passed by leaving nothing behind like a tornado.

Saturday was going slowly, zapping from one channel to another, seeing the demonstrations and protests, hearing reports... That night, I understood what is really a curfew. The president has ordered the Military to go in the streets, the Police has disappeared, young guys went to the streets defend their neighborhood from vandalism and thieves, prisoners escaping from prisoners...

Earlier in the day, we decided to be prepared to anything. We put a big chain on the building door. We covered the iron door between the garage and the building with black sheets. We asked our neighbors to put their cars in our garage in case some people tried to destroy cars. I gathered my important papers in one place, preparing a little bag just in case we had to go rushing out as some scenarios trying to come alive and being formulated in my head.

The TV was not helping at all, was hearing people calling to ask for help, my brother was on the phone talking with his friends on streets, hearing about stories of people with guns firing, fights on going, people in my age and his age capturing thieves or violence.. from time to time hearing myself some gunshots far away.. it was a very long night and the dawn was too slow to come. One of my worst nights ever!! And yes, this is what a curfew meant. Feeling danger coming without knowing from which direction, fearing what might happen in the next moment, to be the next target.

The Sunday morning came and I managed to sleep for some hours.

I called my friends to see how their nights, to make sure they didn't face any problems while patrolling in the streets. I was proud of my friends as I discovered a new face in each one of them, the sense of responsibility towards their families and their neighborhood. I also discovered that you can always surprise yourself with something you never expected in your life to do if not for those unbelievable circumstances that you were put it.

The following days went slowly. Curfew hours increased day by day.

I went with my mom one day to buy some stuff from a nearby supermarket. It was the first time for me to go in the streets since all those events. I saw the young guys taking the responsibility of organizing the traffic. We were lucky to find a parking just in front of the supermarket. We didn't spend lot of time picking what was needed, but we waited in a long queue to pay. We began chatting with the ladies beside us in the queue. One was complaining there are no ATMs working (as most were vandalized or ran out of money) although she had only 500LE in the bank. Another was asking if they would accept visa card or not. Finally our turn came but they had only small plastique bags so we put all what we bought in the caddy back to our car.

These days i spend my time talking with my friends, watching the different channels on TV, the national ones and foreigners, trying to see who is right, who is biased. The new government was communicated. Still protesters in el Tahrir Square. Lot of rumors came out to the light that at the end I felt i was living in big conspiracies. Some times i was working, other times i was reading a book "Fall of Giant" which is by the way depicting the story of people from different countries during the 1st world war.. how they interact within the story till when the war is declared, how the countries started it, how political decisions are taken.. it's like what happening here in Egypt but in a wider scale. I don't remember really which day we heard about intruders in the Egyptian Museum but i was totally upset and angry and all what they could say, we are happy nothing was stolen, and what was broken will be restaured. I can't believe it, how they would treat this as if nothing happened? Seeing the traces of what happened on TV was so sad.

And so came February. I was waiting so much to end my January as it was the worst month ever in my life, not only because those events but for other circumstances.

The President made a remarkable speech on Tuesday night, also aired very late. I still didn't discover what is the secret behind that except making us wait. Anyway his speech had touched the heart of many. He announced that he will not run for another presidency campaign, some articles in the constitution to be changed and that he will continue till the next election and will die in this soil. Ok he didn't really give what the protesters wanted but things were a little bit moving even if too slow in my opinion. I was thinking then ok, that's not too bad for now, we can get through this...

Wednesday proved i was totally wrong. Attacks occurred on the peaceful protesters in a barbaric way. I couldn't believe my eyes what was aired on all the TVs. Is this my country? It was more like a war. People getting hurt in real life. I called my friends living there and it was totally a mess. I hoped this would soon but it didn't. I went to sleep around 1am and still fighting was on going. I was totally chocked and I really supported the protesters all the way long and wanted to see the end of this corrupted system that is causing all this troubles. It is not about staying in presidency or not. It is about committing to serve the country and its people.

The following days passed more or less peacefully. Friday was full of people coming with everywhere. I wished I was part of it. This time i didn't go but my heart was there. Internet was already back, and i felt happy to see friends outside Egypt sending me messages asking about me and my family. Internet was back and so back people posting on facebook but this time videos, photos, stories of what happened. But along the laughter and jokes came fights and disputes, people asking the protesters to leave as they had already gained something for the country, others asking everybody to go and protest... the voices became louder and louder.. so i decided to step away, not comment, not say my opinion.. not cos I was afraid, but cos at this point i was much more confused of what should be done next...

Finally, we are back to work today. I was really looking forward to go back to life. I know protests are still on going but they are not the cause to stop everything. I believe in the cause they are fighting for. I believe that this is for our Egypt that we want to be the best of all. I believe that their voice must be heard louder and louder but at the same time, life should go on. I was happy that i didn't have to drive by myself all the way to work. It was strange to see tanks at the gates of Smart Village, and i remembered few years ago when i was in Cote d'Ivoire and there was a tank stopping beside my car in the street..

And now, I can reply to my friend who asked me couple of weeks ago, why do you still live in this country and don't try to leave it? At that time i didn't have a clear answer, it was something other than my family, my friends, my work, my life... but i couldn't determine it at that time.. now i know, it is the feeling of being home, of being in your country that you want it to get better, that you can contribute and have a role in it, however small is.

I shall say thank you all, my friends and protesters.. this journey that is still on going made me discover new aspects. I don't know what would happen next or how will be the future but I'm sure that it would be bright because we all care about our country, and we regained our "egypcianity".

Please WAKE UP!!!

So, everybody now is talking about the protests to be held next week... it is natural that some would agree and some wouldn't for various reasons, starting from the believers who think it is the right of people to express their opinion and demand for their rights till the no opinion people who don't think about anything as it is all just talks in the air..

in the midst of all that, i was surprised to see that the Coptic Orthodox Church is asking their followers to stay at home and pray!!! First what is the authority of religion on their believers, and what is the authority of the country on its people? It is the authority of the people on themselves that really matters. I am not waiting for someone to tell me do this or do that. I respect the law for sure but at the same time, i have my rights to think and do whatever i see suitable for me..

Yesterday i went to the Old churches area with a friend to take photos and i was chocked that we were denied the entrance of the area cos we are Egyptians who are not Journalists and who don't have a permission from the Church to take photos? I still don't believe what i just wrote... Do they really think that this is for the best interest of the country? that this would prevent attacks and accidents? what about we, the common people feeling denied a simple right in our own country? didn't they think of that impact? that facing situations like this would make us consider staying or leaving?

Another incident happened also to a friend yesterday. being trapped at the exit of Port-Said cos everybody on duty was attending the prayer and after finally passing and wanting to make a complaint, the response was even more sarcastic than the situation itself..

I am wondering, what would be next?

PLEASE WAKE UP!!!!

My 2010 at a glance

I'm not the type of person to live in the past but 2010 was for sure one of the best years ever so I decided to take few moments and think of what i really liked the most.. maybe it would give me hope in 2011 which i really need these days.. so let's start

January:
Getting lost in Helwan trying to reach the Japanese garden and using my GPS for the first time.. technology is quite useful, specially in a country where people tend to help you even if they don't really know the answer

February:
My 1st real accident.... on Valentine's day... thank God it ended up something little but the accident itself was kind of scary
My car was flooded, ok i'm exagerating a little... it was raining too much that day and i forgot to close my car window so.. you can imagine how my seat was after few hours :)

March:
First time to experience hiking in the mountains, outdoors camping... it was a great trip, although challenging sometimes and i ended up with great old/new friends


April:
Trying Sandboarding
Spending a little vacation at Sharm El-Sheikh with my friends


May:
Going to Yemen for a short business trip and trying Shisha for the first time!!!


June/July:
Going to Sinai in 3 out of 4 weekends for hiking
Travelling for the first time driving my car (driving 700Km and 12 hours during 2 days!!)
Starting to play squash

August:
Camp formation de T.A... back to the roots.. a changing experience for me and the girls
Having stiches on my head

September:
Chopin @ the Pyramids

Starting the non-stop working mode (till now :( )

October:
Discovering the Catacombes and Kom El Sho2afa at Alexandria
Losing in the competition after 10 months of hard work!!!


November:
Having some great and unexpected news!!!!! Was a great surprise.. still to keep my promise to my friends ;)
Watching 3 movies within the same week (from the European Movie Festival)


December:
Back to "Journee de Nettoyage" after 10 years from being first promotion to start it... cleaning the school from inside and outside.. although it was a challenge this year as there was sandstorms, the girls had high spirits and happy about what they were doing

Personal Tribute to Aida

It is my 5th time to attend Opera Aida yet, it was like seeing it with totally different eyes.

I know already the music, the story.. but yet it still has its own charm.

I remember the first time, some 5 years ago, i was astonished and dazzled with all the music, costumes, lights... and the duration too (first time ever to attend a show in 4 acts!).
I didn't really follow the story at that time, just fascinated with everything on stage and enjoying my friend's presence.

2 years ago, i wrote the following after watching it for the 2nd time.

(http://marianneayad.blogspot.com/2009/01/love-kills-and-ressucites.html)

Watching it again and again, I don't feel or think the same way as once i did but these few words "it's about living the moment" make me reconsider my life during the last couple of years... I don't remember if this was the triggering moment, taking the decision to enjoy my life and really live every moment as it comes.. i might not be successful doing this all the time but looking back i feel that this is what i tried and still try to do. Not to be afraid to try something new cos it is out of the ordinary, not to plan everything in my life as I usually like to do, but to just live the moment as it comes.. ending up doing lot of things in one day which were not totally planned, travel and discover new places with some people i meet for the first time, breaking rules...

last year, went twice for Aida, at the Opera and the Pyramids..

The pyramids experience was different... cos you don't have this sensation of being at the Opera.. some spectators even were ruining this feeling of watching an Opera.. the only thing i enjoyed is that for the first time i'm not distracted to read the translation in arabic, just listening to the music as it is...

and finally, my 2011 Aida.. splendid as ever.. feeling more the power of the actors and their role in the story without focusing on the story itself.. feeling the music telling the story, when there is action, when there is romance, when there is sadness... wondering how composers can translate a story into music, and it is the music that tells the story at the end, even if you don't understand the words.. this is the magic of Aida

I am out of words

I may not be touched as everyone is, i'm not changing my profile picture, i'm not putting some quotes or verses in my status, i'm just keeping quiet... quiet cos when you are already in the middle of something, you can't focus on other's grief.. when you are wondering what tomorrow will bring, bad or good news, you can't just share people's feelings of disbelief, of slogans, of...
it's like i'm in another planet. I am not saying is that i'm not touched cos what happened is touching but at the end what is life when we disrespect the simplest rule of living? what is life when money, religion or whatever else becomes a goal to reach whatever the consequences are?
I can't feel grief cos i'm already grieving inside. I can't feel sympathy to the victims cos i'm a victim myself. A victim of long wars, tearing apart countries, cos of stupid people who care nothing about the consequences of the people living out there. A victim of having a part of my identity stolen cos of decisions changing the course of entire generations... and where does it lead us? presumed freedom? long forgotten justice? I don't think so.
I have mixed feelings i didn't have before, i feel powerless and nothing in my hands. I feel empty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

L'oiseau enfermé

Je me trouve toujours sans mots à dire
Quand je veux exprimer mes sentiments et mes désirs
C’est pour cela que je me mets à écrire
Peut-être je me sentirai plus libre

Le plus je garde tout pour moi
Le plus je veux crier à haute voix
Ça fait du temps que mon cœur bat
A chaque instant qu’on se voit

Moi qui prenais toutes mes gardes
Pour ne pas me laisser prendre par mégarde

Je deviens de plus en plus fragile
Je ne parviens pas à rester tranquille
Je m’enferme dans ma propre île
Et ca devient plus difficile

Difficile parce que je ne veux pas perdre
Tous ces instants qu’on se partage
Et à la fin je ne fais qu’attendre
Derrière les barreaux d’une cage

Comme un oiseau qui rêve de voler
A sa guise dans l’immensité
Mais qui se retient à cause d’une réalité
Qui le force à rester où il est

Il désire tant d’avouer
ses sentiments pour retrouver sa liberté
Même si à la fin il découvre que c’était un mirage
Au moins il serait sorti de cette cage

Mais que pourrait-on lui conseiller
Lui qui tant de fois a essayé
De courir derrière la vérité
Sans parvenir à l’attraper ?

L’oiseau a finalement décidé
De rester dans sa petite cage dorée
Jusqu’au jour où l’on ouvrira
La porte de son cœur qui bat

Le 01/01/2011