10 days ago...

The following story happened exactly 10 days ago...

It was around 10h30pm or 11pm. I've just finished the final exam of my spanish course, got the result which was as expected and heading to my home full of joy. I missed that feeling for a long time, feeling of self content, after achieving something, feeling of relief after hard work (ok i'm exagerating in that last thing, i didn't study hard at all)...
so, like after any class, i walk about 5 minutes to a nearby metro station to go home (metro is really good since it doesn't take time with all the traffic on the roads especially when not crowded). i was in the 1st car, dedicated for the ladies, everything was normal till a guy with his wife and kid stepped into the wagon. One young girl protested, and began to shout, it's againts the rule, he should go off the wagon.. another one disagreed saying when it's late at night there is no such rule... and so one, the more times passes, the more their voices became louder, till they almost fought with hands. everybody else was just indifferent, some were laughing, some not paying attention. i was surprised, why when someone is talking about something right nobody cares? i didn't mind that this family came or not, i was just thinking about what are the rules and they are followed or not. it's a way of living, by or off the rules. most of the people out there didn't like the young girl who overreacted cos someone broke the rules.
i didn't do also what i should do, i just kept silence, watching what's going on.. i'm not proud of myself, i was just afraid to say something, to get caught into something.. i was upset for spoiling my happy moment... and i got off the metro, wondering about the whole situation.

Back

i didn't write for a long time, convincing myself that i should only write when something touches me and that's all.... then days passes, months passes, and i don't post anything, waiting for something to shake me to write.. so i lost the main reason why i began this blog in the first place.
it doesn't matter what i write about, big or small, happy or sad. i don't have to lock everything inside myself, i should let it go.
so for who believed in me, who encouraged me, this is for you.

My laptop is a TERRORIST

For those who use the underground these days, they have probably noticed the increased security, searching bags for people going inside..
This is good, i don't mind it since it concerns the safety of people and it is the normal thing now in the world, though sometimes it makes me feel that we live in an insecure world.
After finishing something in Dokki, i headed to the metro station over there... i was stopped by a guy asking to look in the bag i carry, which i got used to it lately.. the guy ironically asked me what is this, laptop? i afirmed it, so he told me it is prohibited.. what? he offered me to go to talk with the officer inside. so i went, since i won't lose a thing... anyway i headed to the office where he was sitting, i asked him why is that, he just said we got orders and we have to obey them. so i just told them they should tell that people are upset with this decision but i guess the mentality won't change, orders are to be followed not discussed.
i left the station, very furious, but i decided not to just give up. i decided to take the risk so i walked to the following station at the opera. it isn't very far and i used to walk that distance though i was tired carrying my laptop bag under the sun (i'm still so red after my one day trip to Alex). on my way i was thinking what if i face the same situation and they don't allow me to go in, then i would have done all this for nothing, why not just take a taxi to home... but i just kept walking. i finally arrived at the opera station, i entered without being stopped by anyone, not even searching my bag!!!
i was relieved but, if there were orders, shouldn't they be followed without exceptions everywhere? isn't the opera an important place or cos rarely people use that station?
lot of questions but above all, how far things can go? will we face the day we won't be able to walk on the street cos we r afraid? will the day come when everyone is supsected till he proves the contrary? is the world going to be more crazy than it is right now?

Hope

Hope is a big word carrying lot of feelings.. hope is the source of energy that makes us able to go further, to carry on with life.. it makes u able to set goals and looking forward to achieve them..
i passed through a period where i have lost it, it was like dying slowly without noticing it, vanishing as if not existing. it takes a lot of will to get back hope, to turn upside down the situation.. sometimes a little thing reminds us with this hope that we once had, a little conversation makes u reevaluate urself, a book that makes u open ur eyes to see the light..
let us move a step forward, let us get back hope to our life...

stories and thoughts

Sharing:
a little girl, in the metro, with her mom and younger sister. the first thing she did when she opened package of buiscuits is giving a piece to a little boy sitting with his mom next to her.

Sun:
i had a day off yesterday. i took advantage to do some errands. it took me hours but i enjoyed it. walking in the street, the sun is shining (even if it was very hot), walking on the Kasr El Nil bridge.. it has been long time since i did something similar, i forgot the feeling of freedom (freedom from life).

Friends:
I went out with my friends yesterday night. They made a surprise for me and another friend, for our birthdays. i was touched, not cos of the surprise, but cos even though life takes us apart, we r still trying to stay in touch.

Decision:
I decided to change the way i live. Lately i was caught in the routine of work-home, i forgot things i used to enjoy. I was full of energy, now i feel like i'm empty person. It's time to open a new page in my life.

Korba Festival

Korba Festival or Spring Festival or whatever it is named.. It was a nice experience. They closed Baghdad street in Korba, only pedestrians. on both sides of the streets, tables, people eating, drinking, buying stuff.. kids with their parents drawing on the street with chalks or paintings. You can see people of all ages, the old and the young, the rich and the poor. There was a little parade but actually just few cars with little decorations for the sponsor, not impressive at all. Only 2 bands played on stage. I believe that if they made it from morning, with different bands to play, it would be more interesting, to discover different types of music. I don't say it wasn't nice, on the contrary, Wust el Balad performed and they were really great.

There are 2 things that really touched me, the place, you could feel that you are transported to a strange, with all th placee specific architecture of El Korba, and the ambiance in the place. It was very charming. The 2nd thing is that i really had a great time with my brother, it has been long time that we didn't do something together. i enjoyed it a lot and somehow i forgot what i was missing. It was a nice day though i wished for a better ending.

can you find the ressemblance?

it's my life

It's my life
It's now or never
I ain't gonna live forever
I just want to live while I'm alive

listening to this song among others, looking through the window at people in the streets, as if i am in a small glass ball watching the world going round while i'm away from everything, nothing in my mind, no worries, no thoughts... just me out there.
try to enjoy one moment every now and then cos sometimes we forget to enjoy living and we end up in the endless loop of life.

Iraq after 4 years...

Today, my aunt who is living till now in Baghdad and 2 of my cousins arrived to Egypt. I was so excited to meet them and get to know them, after all those years (can't say i knew them, we were so young last time we met).
i only passed about 2-3 hours with them today, but it was enough to feel strange. really, what i heard today is beyong any thinking. i can't imagine how they are living, and how they are telling all those stories as a normal thing.
i decided to tell some of them, even if it is not so nice, cos the truth must be told, the stories of the common iraquis must be heard.
i'm sorry if i'll make you more depressed, or more upset, but i just feel i must do this.

i don't know from what to begin, just imagine that they don't have electricity (it would be great if 1 hour in the day), it is freezing, no heat, no light. it is not safe to be outside from 3pm. what is the life if u can't do anything, when u don't have the luxury that normal people have or should have, to just feel safe when u go to work or university, to walk on the street with no fear, to be able to sleep in ur bed knowing that nothing can harm u.

one of my uncles, when going to jordan by bus, el kaeda members stopped the bus and asked if there are any shiites.. well, they asked them to pray, to make sure that they are all sunnis as they said. they would kill if shiit. they took my uncle (who is christian), and held him for a night. anyway nothing happened to him thank God. the "amir" of this group is a 22 years old Saudi guy. Do u know that one to be "amir", has just to kill 10 people to get this title.

it is not safe to go from a place to another, people make false papers, so if i a sunni area, they have paper with sunni last name, or the contrary if going to shiite area. no where is safe, no one is safe. Is this democracy they r shouting night and day in the news and in every interview? i doubt. it is as my brother said, the democracy to kill anyone.
do u know that in some places, they go to a house and kick people living in it, with nothing but their cloth, just to make the area theirs.

i am still under chock of what i heard. i knew the situation was so bad, but when meeting my relatives and hear it from them is totally different than hearing it on the news (though even the news, don't tell details about the normal, average, iraquis).

i'll stop now cos i have nothing more to say

12 days of the Year (to be continued)

On the 1st day of the year,
my boss has asked me
to create the dummy neighbours

On the 2nd day of the year,
my boss has asked me
to create the CSV files
to create the dummy neighbours

On the 3rd day of the year,
my boss has asked me
to use my laptop
to create the CSV files
to create the dummy neighbours

On the 4th day of the year,
my boss has asked me
to try shisha
to use my laptop
to create the CSV files
to create the dummy neighbours

On the 5th day of the year,
my boss has asked me
not to sleep early
to try shisha
to use my laptop
to create the CSV files
to create the dummy neighbours
______________________________________________________
Notes:
I began to write this when i had the flue
"My boss" just for the rhythm of the song only, no hard feelings :)
"dummy neighbours" and "CSV" are work terminology